A Fresh Start

I've been blogging in one form or another since 2002 -- good lord, that's 20 years. Alas, my profession requires I separate personal from professional, so I have made this blog somewhat anonymous. However, it's unlikely that anyone will really read this. Mostly I need a place to talk to myself -- and sometimes to talk to my child indirectly -- just to have someplace to put thoughts. My child is a teenager, and teens don't like to be lectured or have problems solved. But I need to put that energy somewhere, as writing helps me sort myself. Hence the blog title.

We've had a very anticlimactic beginning of summer break. On the last day of school, having avoided it for two years (one being in-person), G catches Covid. Ugh. And we were to go on a 10-day camping trip two days later. That's off the table now. Much sadness all around. Having spent the past week monitoring and leaving food outside their bedroom door, I'm feeling hopeful that G is healing. Still testing positive, but less coughing. Hopefully in a couple days we can end isolation and let G hang out in the rest of the house with a mask. H and I have been masked indoors all week, and hang in out separate rooms, and sleep apart. Just to be extra careful.

I was also supposed to fly to a retreat June 22 for a few days. That's been scotched as well. I don't want to bring any germies to the sangha. So I've been kind of resistant the past few days, pouty and sullen. It's easy to get caught up in fearful thoughts, to tell a story of lack and loss and loneliness. 

However, in this moment, here is what is true: I am sitting on an Adirondack chair on my backyard patio, tapping away on my laptop. The trees sway in the wind, having a vigorous debate as cool dusk settles in. My pet rabbit is munching grass (a carbon neutral lawnmower), and the pair of crows who supervise the yard drink from the birdbath. I hear H puttering in the kitchen. I hear G occasionally laugh from their bedroom, watching something funny on Tiktok; they've been handling isolation pretty well. I Zoomed with two friends today, which boosted my mood. So there is actually abundance and grace and company.