My Love List

 

I recently participated in a swap where the project was to write a highly descriptive list of things I love. I received a beautifully poetic one from my partner in China. I sent mine to my assigned recipient in Canada. I figured it would be nice to share it here. 

My Love List – from MindfulOne

1. The several dozen different birds that sing me awake each morning. Even the damn crows, who start a ruckus at 5 a.m. Oh, and the owls I hear at night.
2. Puns! I love sneaking a pun into conversation, the reactions I get. I love reading puns aloud, and I love that some of them make me laugh hysterically (especially “naughty” ones).
3. Ribeye steak cooked medium is deeply savory and delightful. My husband cooks them perfectly.
4. The redwood forest, especially the old growth ones, where I can feel the centuries in the atmosphere as I hike through.
5. Taking walks to the local turtle pond; sometimes I see turtles, or ducks, and always the overgrown koi. Several times I’ve seen a wild turkey – one even flew up into a tree.
6. Strong black coffee in the morning; black tea with honey in the afternoon.
7. How I feel after I’ve done a strong cardio session on the elliptical or a hearty walk – strong, clear, vibrant, connected intimately with life.
8. Ambient, instrumental, meditative music; folk music; eclectic alternative; trip-hop music; so many kinds of music that I listen to daily that helps me create and work.
9. Losing myself in hours of flow when I paint, draw, collage, and write.
10. I love my husband, who is my best friend and life’s gift to me.
11. I love my child, whose existence has also taught me the importance of mothering myself, and who is also life’s gift to me.
12. Chocolate, mostly dark.
13. Baskin Robbins Love Potion #31 ice cream: a seasonal white chocolate and raspberry ice cream infused with raspberry swirls, chocolate chips, and raspberry filled hearts. I love especially that my local store orders enough to serve beyond February, into the end of April.
14. Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey Ice cream.
15. Camping, seeing national parks, and big campfires that last late.
16. Reading books of all kinds, ones that teach me and ones that entertain.
17. I love babies; they are so fresh and innocent, having just emerged into the world; they evoke a fierce energy in me to protect and cherish, and it feels like connection with something holy.
18. Sunny days and clear skies with enough cool to maybe need a sweater.
19. Rainy days that wash the streets clean and feel cozy.
20. Seasons: I grew up with experiencing four seasons and now experience roughly two where I live now.
21. Dancing, especially something called Ecstatic Dance, which is a free-form movement practice in a safe space with no alcohol, no shoes, no talking on the dance floor, in order to experience the joy of being.
22. Afternoon naps.
23. Cats and rabbits (I’ve had both as pets); really any animal that is friend-shaped.
24. Deep conversation over coffee with friends.
25. Looking for and finding beauty.

SoulCollage® Council Suit: The Muse

 

I am the One who plants seeds and inspires your creative process. I am the One who connects you to the unknown; I am your companion and inspiration.

What is your gift or message for me?

Let go of worrying and trust the process.

What do you want me to do?

To find me you need to engage with me, so get cracking.

Why did you show up today?

You are folding in on yourself with worry, and I came to remind you -- you only have the present and creation is now.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is too many ideas at once which makes for distraction. The light is that you are part of creation. 

SoulCollage® Council Suit: The Hunter

I am the One who hunts and kills. I am focused, unsentimental, and purposeful. I hunt with intention. I am strong, lethal, and efficient.

What is your gift or message for me?

Sometimes life requires sacrifice. Life can require you to sacrifice your softness to do what is hard, even if it hurts others.

What do you want me to do?

This is a shadow side you avoid. Acknowledge it.

Why did you show up today?

To challenge you.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The light is that an ending is also a beginning. It is all of a piece.

SoulCollage® Council Suit: Mother Protector

I am the One who is a fierce protector of the vulnerable. I am the One who is a warrior mother with fire in my heart. I am the One who willingly confronts threats.

What is your gift or message for me?

Motherhood is not always tender, cuddly, and gentle

What do you want me to do?

Be strong with your child and for your child.

Why did you show up today?

Because you're finding mothering to be hard. You want your child to be different... easier, and more compliant. But that is not who she is, and she needs your strength.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is the desire to flee confrontation and conflict. The light is that love's fire illuminates what is needed.

SoulCollage® Council Suit: Innocence

I am the One who lives boldly and gets messy. I am the one who resists growing up. I am the one who nurtures innocence.

What is your gift or message for me?

You are here to help others connect with playfulness. There's no virtue in growing up before you have to.

What do you want me to do?

Continue your path nurturing the school community and practice being empathetic with C as she begins to experience growing up awareness.

Why did you show up today?

Because C is changing and it's important to tend to her innocence and protect it.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The light is joy, and the shadow is immaturity.

SoulCollage® Council Suit: Fortitude

I am the One who feels gutted and alone. I am the One who feels exposed, who is empty. I am the One who will take small detours to nurture others. Sometimes I find it painful to be here but I follow the road.

What is your gift or message for me?

Being exposed is no cause for fear; it is a way to connection. Pain is the idea of separation.

What do you want me to do?

Keep walking into the empty house. Keep walking on the road. Be in your body, and trust in wholeness. Love yourself. Cradle your heart.

Why did you show up today?

My filters are fragile. I'm worn down. Knowledge of Robin Williams' suicide has affected me, touched a part of me that understands. Because this part of me is strength and requires recognition.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow side of this would be manic happiness, a denial of how hard it is to be here. The light is that I am still here.

SoulCollage® Council Suit: Fertility

I am the One who is fertile. I am the one who feeds the world and nurtures life. I am the one who brings color out of darkness and form to nothingness. I am the one who is energy, who scatters seeds of energy everywhere. I am the one who cannot be stopped.

What is your gift or message for me?

I still have life in me. I still can create and have power. I am part of eternity.

What do you want me to do?

I want you to engage. Throw seeds around and see what grows. Take the materials in front of you and make new life. I want you to be encouraged.

Why did you show up today?

To remind you that all droughts have an end. This is the end of your drought.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The potential for suffocation, overgrowth, obscuration.

SoulCollage® Council Suit: The Beginner

I am the One who steps over thresholds. I am the one who takes the leap of faith. I am the one who sees the universe in drops of water, for whom the infinitesimal and infinite are synonymous. I am the one who understands the present moment is an eternity in itself, that the beginning is completion.

What is your gift or message for me?

Trust life. Touch your connection to it and nourish it.

What do you want me to do?

Notice when you are bored or distracted, and return to what is at hand. 

Why did you show up today?

You've been anxious about C's new teacher and the school year, and I invite you to be with me, the infinite moment of beginning.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is planning and worrying about the future. The light is Presence.

SoulCollage® Council Suit: Eternal Return

 

I am the One who changes. I am transition. I am a window into death and into life. I am one who marries space and form. I am billions. And I am one who is the root of stillness underneath the frenzy.

What is your gift or message for me?

Silence is the window into life beyond this existence.

What do you want me to do?

Make time for more silence; immerse yourself.

Why did you show up today?

Lately dying and death have been weighing on me and the fear and curiosity are invitations to really see.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is resignation and apathy.

The light is a glimpse of unity. 

Encouragement

Encouragement

Let yourself be the earth and the days be weather.

Storms come, but they pass. Do not follow them.

Enjoy the sun. Notice the bees kiss the flowers

while you listen to a crow shout her opinions to the world.

What a gift, to be!!

-Kathryn Harper

SoulCollage® Council Suit: Connection

I am the One who, when you feel isolated and distant, brings you back into awareness that you are connected. You are never alone. I am the One who holds community for you.

What is your gift or message for me?

The Universe is all one, and separation is an illusion.

What do you want me to do?

Seek wha you need. You will find it.

Why did you show up today?

Sometimes you get lost inside your head.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is loneliness.

SoulCollage® Council Suit: The Analyst

I am the One who is transparent. I am the One who engages the left brain. I see things from many angles, I scheme, I plan, I deduce.

What is your gift or message for me?

The tool is effective only when used well.

What do you want me to do?

Use your left brain more.

Why did you show up today?

Because you've been resistant.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is linearity. 

Something Speaks to Me

For the first time since before I surgery I did squares today. The context is yesterday I felt good enough since surgery to move around and do things, tasks and fun things. But it cost me energy. And this morning I feel reduced, unsteady, slightly dizzy, raw. I did squares as I listened to music and I swear they leaped out and grouped themselves. They spoke to me. This happens. I'm not sure what the message is, but I received it. Sometimes a collage comes together that, when I look at it later, astonishes me. Because connections are there, ones I saw and made, and others I didn't realize even as I glued them down. As I finished the last square, I began to cry. Who knows why. Just grief. Sweetness, and grief. 

Whoo boy. Today I get to see the plastic surgeon and they take off the dressings to examine healing. I'm not ready (but am ready for the drains to come out and shower!).

My son gave me the sweetest mother's day card yesterday. Love love love.

SoulCollage® Community Suit: Syracuse Roots

I am one from whom you grew. I was your first world. I was gray, harsh in the winter, with limited possibilities. I was economically depressed. I am the one you escaped from to create a new life.

What is your gift or message for me?

I am your source. I served a purpose.

What do you want me to do?

Remember that I am "a good place to be from" even though I could not sustain you. To feel proud of your achievement of burning down your old life to release potential for new.

Why did you show up today?

To remind you of the many strengths you developed growing up with me. To ask you to remember me and not disparage your origins.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The light is hardiness, stamina.

Noticing

Day 5 after surgery feels pretty much like day 1. It's untethered to tasks beyond the bed and bathroom. 

I wrote that last sentence and ran out of steam. Noticing "I" am inside, waving my hand through the ether to grab onto another word only to find emptiness. And feeling flat about that. A state of being powered on but in standby mode.

In this physically diminished state what I've noticed over the past week is the daylong concert of birdsong. I'm unable to pair what I hear with the bird type, but there are at least a a dozen types of songbird singing their hearts out. And of course the wild turkeys and crows, oh my god the CROWS. Those assholes like to get started loudly around 5 a.m. and squawk for at least 90 minutes. At night I hear screeches of Barn Owls, eerie punctuations in the dark. Sometimes I hear Great Horned Owls giving the classic hoot-hooooot. 

When I sit really still, I feel my blood pulsing rhythmically through my body, and I notice the force is enough to shake my head minutely, a small vibration. 

My heart says hi. hi. hi. hi. hi.

SoulCollage® Community Suit: Stella

 

I am one who was your friend for 15 years. I am one who provided many moments of intimacy and comfort. I introduced Claire to her first animal companion. I am one who was vocal, expressive, loud. I was large and in charge. I had great personality and presence. I am one with whom you began again. I moved across country with you. I was 17 when I died, and I'd had a good, long life. I loved you unconditionally.

What is your gift or message for me?

You gave me a wonderful life, and I gave you all my love.

What do you want me to do?

Remember me.

Why did you show up today?

You are missing me and want to enjoy a reminder. I died two years ago on the day you are making this card.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

I offer the light of happy memories. 

SoulCollage® Community Suit: Sofia

 

I am one who is a doula for your soul. I join you on the journey of finding your truth and expressing what is true for you. I am one who accepts emotional messiness and encourages intimacy. I am comfortable with silence. I help you listen to your wisdom and not abandon yourself. I am one who practices Presence.

What is your gift or message for me?

You can trust Life's wisdom.

What do you want me to do?

Notice your bodily sensations and where your feelings manifest. Keep practicing how to speak your truth. Listen to your intuition.

Why did you show up today?

To celebrate our work together.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is the potential to confuse boundaries.

SoulCollage® Community Suit: Smokey

 

I am one who, after living in your neighborhood for five years, decided to adopt you. I am one who is a cat about town, yet I am also loving. I am mellow and enjoy cuddling. I am one who brings you gifts of mice and birds. I am one who entices you to sit outside and watch the world with me. I am god in fur. 

What is your gift or message for me?

I am your cat, and I am not your cat. I am my own self.

What do you want me to do?

Keep loving me the way you do, with food, snuggles, and kindness. Keep coming outside to be with me. 

Why did you show up today?

You are thinking of your feline friends lately. Stella died two years ago on the day you made this card. You miss her. 

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is the desire to take me in and make me yours. 

SoulCollage® Community Suit: Shinrin-Yoku

I am one who bathes in nature. I am one whose connection to nature restores my being.

What is your gift or message for me?

You are of this world and in this world. You are inseparable from it.

What do you want me to do?

Go outside. It's that simple. Sit against a tree. Lie in the grass. 

Why did you show up today?

Because nature beckons, and you've been hungry and thirsty for it.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is overgrowth.