I am one who bathes in nature. I am one whose connection to nature restores my being.
What is your gift or message for me?
You are of this world and in this world. You are inseparable from it.
What do you want me to do?
Go outside. It's that simple. Sit against a tree. Lie in the grass.
Why did you show up today?
Because nature beckons, and you've been hungry and thirsty for it.
If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?
The shadow is overgrowth.
Crossroads
My body, now that we will not be traveling together much longerI begin to feel a new tenderness toward you, very raw and unfamiliar,like what I remember of love when I was young --love that was so often foolish in its objectivesbut never in its choices, its intensities.Too much demanded in advance, too much that could not be promised --My soul has been so fearful, so violent:forgive its brutality.As though it were that soul, my hand moves over you cautiously,not wishing to give offensebut eager, finally, to achieve expression as substance:it is not the earth I will miss,it is you I will miss.- Louise Glück
I am one who shows you your life as it is. I introduced you to Zen Buddhism and the "cushion of kindness." I share wisdom so you can be the mother you are, and I invited you to see your life as a spiritual practice. I am one who teaches and learns. I am your dharma mother.
What is your gift or message for me?
Buddhists are imperfect, and awakening is a process that requires practice.
What do you want me to do?
Make the commitment to put the practice on the cushion at the front and center of your life.
Why did you show up today?
To keep you company.
If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?
The shadow is deluding yourself that you are practicing simply because you know me.
What is your gift or message for me?
The purity and integrity of Zen teachings flows through established lineages. At Hazy Moon we are not playing at being Buddhists.
What do you want me to do?
Don't pretend. Take the steps in your practice as you are able. Come to us when you can. Becoming officially Buddhist isn't as important as becoming, through practice, a Buddha.
Why did you show up today?
To honor the path you find yourself following.
If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?
The shadow is being pre-occupied with the idea of legitimacy and in judging other centers as not real or good enough.
What is your gift or message for me?
You asked, and you received.
What do you want me to do?
Remember me fondly.
Why did you show up today?
Because you are honoring your community, and I am part of that.
If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?
The shadow is pining for the past.
I am one who welcomed you to California. I am cozy and small and taught you to downsize your life. I witnessed your creative flow with making art and knitting. I was the chapel for your wedding. I am one who held you through two miscarriages and the third successful conception. I taught you the beauty of light and gave you a garden to play in.
What is your gift or message for me?
I was rejected by you at first glance, but I turned out to be exactly what you needed.
What do you want me to do?
Remember to look more closely at what you are tempted to dismiss.
Why did you show up today?
To make you smile.
If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?
Light is always present.
I am one whom you chose in the desperation of first-trimester exhaustion and nausea. I had four levels and 28 steps and was not ideal for a new family, but you bloomed within me nonetheless. I sheltered you through first steps and emerging teeth, through hundreds of hours of cuddling. Because I was a rental you had no fear of doing crafts and cooking with a toddler. I had a teeny backyard patio, and I was surrounded by pavement and traffic, yet you found ways to be outdoors. You thrived as a family here for three years, and many precious memories are entwined with me.
What is your gift or message for me?
Ideal circumstances are not required for growth.
What do you want me to do?
Work with whatever is at hand.
Why did you show up today?
To give you a chance to have happy memories.
If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?
The shadow is allowing constraints and difficulties to be a reason to shut down.
I am one who finds companionship in books. I am one who is sustained by the worlds that words create. Books have been part of my life since birth. Books are friends.
What is your gift or message for me?
Keep reading and absorbing. There is vast treasure to discover. Relax, because you won't get to read all the books.
What do you want me to do?
Share community. Give books. Pass them on when you are done with them.
Why did you show up today?
To celebrate with you!
If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?
The shadow is hoarding books instead of introducing them to the wider community.
In February I shared a post about Misty, our pet rabbit. She was diagnosed with cancer. We opted for palliative care and kept a sharp eye on her. On Sunday I woke to see that she was incontinent, her breathing was rapid, and she could hardly move. It was obvious that she was in pain, and waiting until her vet appointment two days hence would cause needless suffering. So we cried and loved on her and took her to the emergency vet, where we cried some more and let her go.
The house feels empty. This little furball shaped our lives for seven years. She got us through Covid, middle and high school, the physical changes of my kiddo's puberty, and she was sweet and soft the entire time. She had a spicy personality and liked her autonomy. We learned to love and laugh at her "fuck you" kicks that sometimes followed if we did something she disliked.
And that bun loved her fresh food -- especially bananas, pears, and apples. But veggies too.
Our house is full of tears and good memories.
I am one who brings light to your life. I am one who sparks your creativity. I am one who lives as your heart outside of your boy. I prove that miracles happen. I am your teacher of surrender. I am your love and your life.
What is your gift or message for me?
You are the perfect mother for me, and together we will find the way.
What do you want me to do?
Pay attention. Remember that we are born every second, and love me with all your power and imperfection.
Why did you show up today?
Because I am a force that will not go unnoticed.
If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?
The shadow is inclination to control. The light is simply celebration of her.
What is your gift or message for me?
To remind you that Jesus and the Catholic church are not synonymous, and that there can be truth in imperfection. Messengers are fallible, but that doesn't mean the message is worthless.
What do you want me to do?
Appreciate the foundation I provided. Continue your journey exploring the connections between Christ's message and those of other spiritual paths. Go to mass once in awhile and participate in communion with me.
Why did you show up today?
Because you miss that part of yourself. You want to connect with the girl who believe and with the holiness of ritual.
If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?
The shadow is getting swept up thinking about the heinous crimes the church has committed and forgetting the original message Christ communicated.
