I saw this and felt a flush of recognition. How many times a day do I say, "Oh my God this is..." in grateful amazement for something? More often than I imagine but less often than I could. Just this morning in the shower I thought, "This water feels wonderful flowing down me. How good it is to have running water!" These encounters with my life are a spiritual practice. It's a callback to this Zen prayer:
Let me respectfully remind you Life and death are of supreme importance Time swiftly passes and opportunity is lost Each of us must strive to awaken; Awaken!
This night your days will have diminished by one Take heed; do not squander your life.
You see the world through your cynical eyes You're a troubled young man I can tell You've got it all in the palm of your hand But your hand's wet with sweat and your head needs a rest
And you're fooling yourself if you don't believe it You're kidding yourself if you don't believe it Why must you be such an angry young man When your future looks quite bright to me How can there be such a sinister plan That could hide such a lamb, such a caring young man
You're fooling yourself if you don't believe it You're kidding yourself if you don't believe it Get up, get back on your feet You're the one they can't beat and you know it Come on, let's see what you've got Just take your best shot and don't blow it
You're fooling yourself if you don't believe it You're killing yourself if you don't believe it Get up, get back on your feet You're the one they can't beat and you know it Come on, let's see what you've got Just take your best shot and don't blow it.
Ah Watch out, you might get what you're after Cool, babies – strange but not a stranger I'm an ordinary guy Burning down the house
Hold tight, wait 'til the party's over Hold tight, we're in for nasty weather There has got to be a way Burning down the house
Here's your ticket, pack your bag, it's time for jumping overboard The transportation is here Close enough but not too far, maybe you know where you are Fighting fire with fire, ah!
All wet, here, you might need a raincoat Shake-down, dreams walking in broad daylight Three hundred sixty-five degrees Burning down the house
It was once upon a place, sometimes I listen to myself Gonna come in first place People on their way to work say, "Baby, what did you expect?" Gonna burst into flame, ah
Burning down the house
My house is out of the ordinary That's right, don't wanna hurt nobody Some things sure can sweep me off my feet Burning down the house
No visible means of support and you have not seen nothing, yet Everything's stuck together I don't know what you expect staring into the TV set Fighting fire with fire, ah
I'm feeling good I just walked out of the shower Quantum jumped into my new life And step into my power like Aye Today's gon be a good day Aye I'm in alignment with the new me Aye Today's gon be a good day Aye I'm in alignment with the new me Aye Today's gon be a good day Aye I'm in alignment with the new me I finally figured out Just who I am And what I want It's time that my potential Makes up for the time I lost Chasing dreams that weren't mine Planted in my subconscious mind Always felt like I was wrong But I was just learning what's right And I've taken the time to sit and ponder What am I doing here With all of life's wonders Journal and meditate Vibrate higher and resonate Focus deliberately and create a life I don't wanna escape Aye Today's gonna be a good day Aye I'm in alignment with the new me Aye Today's gonna be a good day Aye I'm in alignment with the new me Aye Today's gonna be a good day Aye I'm in alignment with the new me Aye Today's gonna be a good day Aye I'm in alignment with the new me I'm feeling good I just walked out of the shower Quantum jumped into my new life And step into my power like Aye Today's gonna be a good day Aye I'm in alignment with the new me
It's the perfect time of year Somewhere far away from here I feel fine enough, I guess Considering everything's a mess There's a restaurant down the street Where hungry people like to eat I could walk but I'll just drive It's colder than it looks outside
Like a dream you try to remember but it's gone (Pinch me) Then you try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn (I'm still asleep) When you try to see the world, beyond your front door (Please God) Take your time, is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile (Tell me) When you realize that a guy my size might take a while (I'm still asleep) Just to try to figure out what all this is for
It's the perfect time of day To throw all your cares away Put the sprinkler on the lawn And run through with my gym shorts on Take a drink right from the hose And change into some dryer clothes Climb the stairs up to my room Sleep away the afternoon
Like a dream you try to remember but it's gone (Pinch me) Then you try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn (I'm still asleep) When you try to see the world, beyond your front door (Please God) Take your time, is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile (Tell me) When you realize that a guy my size might take a while (I'm still asleep) Just to try to figure out what all this is for
Pinch me, pinch me, cause I'm still asleep
Please God tell me that I'm still asleep
On an evening such as this It's hard to tell if I exist If I pack the car and leave this town Who'll notice that I'm not around I could hide out under there I just made you say "underwear" I could leave but I'll just stay All my stuff's here anyway
Like a dream you try to remember but it's gone (Pinch me) Then you try to scream but it only comes out as a yawn (I'm still asleep) When you try to see the world, beyond your front door (Please God) Take your time, is the way I rhyme gonna make you smile (Tell me) When you realize that a guy my size might take a while (I'm still asleep) Just to try to figure out what all this is for
Try to figure out what all this is for (Pinch me) (I'm still asleep) Try to see the world beyond your front door (Pinch me) (I'm still asleep) Try to figure out what all this is for
I would like to reach out my hand I may see you, I may tell you to run (On my way, on my way) You know what they say about the young
Well, pick me up with golden hand Oombayseeyou, I may tell you to run (On my way, on my way) You know what they say about the young
Well, I would like to hold my little hand And we will run, we will, we will crawl, we will I would like to hold my little hand And we will run, we will, we will crawl
Send me on my way (On my way) Send me on my way (On my way) Send me on my way (On my way) Send me on my way (On my way) Send me on my way (On my way) Send me on my way (On my way) Send me on my way (On my way) Mm hmm (On my way)
I would like to reach out my hand I may see you, I may tell you to run (On my way, on my way) You know what they say about the young
Now pick me up with golden hand I may see you, I may tell you to run (On my way, on my way) You know what they say about the young
Well, I would like to hold my little hand And we will run, we will, we will crawl, we will I would like to hold my little hand And we will run, we will, we will crawl
Send me on my way (On my way) Send me on my way (On my way) Send me on my way (On my way) Hmmm(on my way) Well, I would like to hold my little hand And we will run, we will, we will crawl, we will I would like to hold my little hand And we will run, we will, we will crawl
Send me on my way Send me on my way Send me on my way On my way Send me on my way Send me on my way Send me on my way (ooooh oooh oooh ooooh oooh oooh) (Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey) On my way (Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey) On my way
I would like to reach out my hand I may see you, I may tell you to run (On my way, on my way) You know what they say about the young Thank you Thank you Thank you very much
How d'you do, I see you've met my faithful handyman He's just a little brought down because when you knocked He thought you were the candyman Don't get strung out by the way that I look Don't judge a book by its cover I'm not much of a girl by the light of day But by night I'm one hell of a lover
I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Sensational, Transylvania
So let me show you around, maybe play you a sound You look like you're both pretty groovy Or if you want something visual that's not too abysmal We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie
I'm glad we caught you at home, could we use your phone? We're both in a bit of a hurry We'll just say where we are, then go back to the car We don't want to be any worry
So you got caught with a flat, well, how about that? Well babies, don't you panic By the light of the night when it all seems alright I'll get you a satanic mechanic
I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Sensational, Transylvania.
So why don't you stay for the night? Or maybe a bite? I could show you my favorite obsession I've been making a man with blond hair and a tan And he's good for relieving my tension
I'm just a Sweet Transvestite from Sensational, Transylvania.
So come up to the lab. And see what's on the slab I see you shiver with antici... pation! But maybe the rain isn't really to blame So I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom
Tumble outta bed And I stumble to the kitchen Pour myself a cup of ambition And yawn and stretch And try to come to life
Jump in the shower And the blood starts pumpin' Out on the street The traffic starts jumpin' The folks like me on the job from 9 to 5
Workin' 9 to 5, What a way to make a livin' Barely gettin' by It's all takin' and no givin' They just use your mind And they never give you credit It's enough to drive you crazy If you let it
9 to 5, for service and devotion You would think that I Would deserve a fair promotion Want to move ahead But the boss won't seem to let me I swear sometimes that man is out to get me
They let you dream Just to watch 'em shatter You're just a step On the boss-man's ladder But you got dreams He'll never take away
You're in the same boat With a lot of your friends Waitin' for the day your ship'll come in 'N' the tide's gonna turn And it's all gonna roll your way
Workin' 9 to 5 What a way to make a livin' Barely gettin' by It's all takin' and no givin' They just use your mind And you never get the credit It's enough to drive you crazy If you let it
9 to 5, yeah They got you where they want you There's a better life And you think about it, don't you? It's a rich man's game No matter what they call it And you spend your life Puttin' money in his wallet
9 to 5, whoa What a way to make a livin' Barely gettin' by It's all takin' and no givin' They just use your mind And they never give you credit It's enough to drive you crazy If you let it
9 to 5, yeah They got you where they want you There's a better life And you dream about it, don't you? It's a rich man's game No matter what they call it And you spend your life Puttin' money in his wallet
Love's gonna bring us back alive Love's gonna bring us back alive Over mountains where no one goes Oh yeah, yeah, yeah We've been runnin' Yeah, yeah, yeah Gotta keep runnin' Oh yeah, yeah, yeah Till love brings us back alive
We've been outlaws on the run Sometimes outlaws on the run I was just a baby when I fired my gun Oh yeah, yeah, yeah That's why I keep a-runnin', runnin' Yeah, yeah, yeah Gotta keep a-runnin' Yeah, yeah, yeah Till love brings us back alive
Well, the river's only water And the mountain's only gold They'll get old Tell me, will you walk through this world alone?
Over mountains We'll come home Through the desert We're gonna come home There's no water Where this wind has blown Oh yeah, yeah, yeah Well the rain come down Oh yeah, yeah, yeah But we can't stop now Oh baby, love bring us back alive
Down there by the river is a man Whose horn is twisted into shapes Unknown to the wicked and the wise And he bears the look of an animal Who's seen things no animal should ever see He has been driven beyond all towns And all the systems until now though it is Long past too far he keeps going
Because it's a desert Because it's a desert
We come to the river We'll walk away from all this now We come to the water We'll walk away from all this now
She first saw him he was standing in the doorway Illuminated from behind by a light Though imaginary posses chased them To these distant adobes Standing on the cliffs today I thought I saw you below My shadow growing smaller
It's a desert because Because it's a desert They'll be asking me about you forever I guess
We come to the river We'll walk away from all this now We come to the water We'll walk away from all this now
Long coats on the prairie Lying in the dust Who can I turn to? Who can I trust? Were you walking on the water? Playing in the sun? But the world is turning faster Than it did when I was young
The most as you'll ever go Is back where you used to know If grown-ups could laugh this slow Where as you watch the hour snow Years may go by
So hold on to your special friend Here, you'll need something to keep her in "Now you stay inside this foolish grin..." Though any day your secrets end Then again Years may go by
You saved your own special friend 'Cause here you need something to hide her in And you stay inside that foolish grin When everyday now secrets end Oh, and then again Years may go by
Hear the clock ticking on the wall Losing sleep, losing track of the tears I cry Every drop is a waterfall Every breath is a break in the riptide
Oh, how long has it been? I don't know
But it feels like an eternity Since I had you here with me Since I had to learn to be Someone you don't know
To be with you in paradise What I wouldn't sacrifice Why'd you have to chase the light Somewhere I can't go?
As I walk this world alone As I walk this world alone
Another glimpse of what could've been (Ooh) Another dream, another way that it never was Falling back in the wilderness (Ooh) Waking up, rubbing salt in the cut
Oh, how long has it been? I don't know
But it feels like an eternity Since I had you here with me Since I had to learn to be Someone you don't know
To be with you in paradise What I wouldn't sacrifice Why'd you have to chase the light Somewhere I can't go?
As I walk this world alone (Alone, alone) As I walk this world alone (Alone, alone)
It's an endless night, it's a starless sky It's a hell that I call home (Hell that I call home) It's a long goodbye on the other side Of the only life I know
And it feels like an eternity (Mm) Since I had you here with me Since I had to learn to be (Mm) Someone you don't know (Whoa) To be with you in paradise What I wouldn't sacrifice Why'd you have to chase the light Somewhere I can't go?
As I walk this world alone As I walk this world alone
Close your eyes, breathe it in Let the stillness begin Feel the light in your chest Let your soul find rest You've been chasing, always trying Running fast, but never finding What was waiting deep inside A peace that never hides No more fear, no more fight Just the calm of endless light When you let go, you'll see The love that sets you free Spiritual peace and happiness ]It's not out there, it's within your chest When you stop the noise and listen close You'll find the truth your spirit knows Spiritual peace and happiness You were born with all of this Let the light wash over you And feel your heart renew And feel your heart renew Walk slow, breathe deep, stay kind Leave the heavy world behind Every tear, every scar Led you right to where you are You don't need to prove your worth You've been magic since your birth Every moment, every breath Is love that never left Spiritual peace and happiness It's not out there, it's within your chest When you stop the noise and listen close You'll find the truth your spirit knows Spiritual peace and happiness You were born with all of this Let the light wash over you And feel your heart renew And feel your heart renew Let go, be free, let your soul align You're divine by design Every step, every smile, every day Peace and happiness will stay
Loosen, loosen, baby You don't have to carry The weight of the world in your muscles and bones Let go, let go, let go
Loosen, loosen, baby You don't have to carry The weight of the world in your muscles and bones Let go, let go, let go
Loosen, loosen, baby You don't have to carry The weight of the world in your muscles and bones Let go, let go, let go
Loosen, loosen, baby You don't have to carry The weight of the world in your muscles and bones Let go, let go, let go
Holy breath, and holy name Will you ease, will you ease this pain Holy breath, and holy name Will you ease, will you ease this pain
Holy breath (Loosen, loosen, baby) And holy name (You don't have to carry) Will you ease (The weight of the world in your muscles and bones) Will you ease this pain (Let go, let go, let go)
Loosen, loosen, baby (Holy breath) You don't have to carry (and holy name) The weight of the world in your muscles and bones (Will you ease) Let go, let go, let go (Will you ease this pain)
In August 2022, after years of declining health and mobility and increasing pain, I made a decision to change my life. This is a photo of me in September 2022.
And this is me today, 70 pounds lighter.
First I made the decision to get stronger, so I started strength training twice a week for 20 minutes at a time at a local specialty gym called The Exercise Coach. Then I added cardio to my habits; my favorite gym machine is the elliptical, and I'm a big fan of walking. After a couple of months, I was ready to reduce my intake of calories gradually and track what I ate. I figured there was no timeline except the rest of my life, so progress could be incremental. The practice of losing weight a few ounces per week is what kept me going, because I decided that all foods were acceptable to eat as long as I was honest and tracked it, that starvation would lead to exhaustion and rebellion, and the key to all this is feeling good in my body while shedding weight.
After the first 25 pounds shed, I saw an endocrinologist who suggested I try a GLP-1 medication. She said it would likely help, as I had "hacked my own psychology" by doing healthy things. I would not be using the shot and expecting it to do all the work. So I tried it, and I am among the percentage of people who were not disabled by side effects and for whom it worked. It was very odd to experience the shift. "Food noise" is real. The medication quieted that. It also dampened my feeling of appetite for many other good things. But I've figured out a way to adapt. I imagine I will take this medication for the rest of my life, as part of the chronic condition of obesity.
I'm now at a weight I was in my thirties, and I was functional and strong. I can remember well-intended suggestions by men that if I just lost some weight, I'd be really pretty. But honestly? I feel and look good.
So yes, I could lose more weight. I'm technically in the "overweight" BMI for my height. However, I have figured out a way to live and enjoy my life, even with the limitations of exhaustion (from aging, from battling cancer, and surgery). So for the time being, I'll keep on as I have been.
I've been walking around this town And I've decided I don't ever wanna be another face in the crowd I've been talking to people I meet Saying, "I've been thinking about leaving and I'm taking next to nothing with me"
And I know that public opinion says that I should settle down But there's something inside my heart that fights against the crowd
And it is wild, wild, wild, I am
I've been thinking of things I don't know And I'm not about to settle with the present if my heart wants to go You've got your convictions and I've got mine But if you're trying to tame the lion in me it'll be a waste of your time
And I know that public opinion says to be a realist But if you tame the beast in me, then I would not exist
'Cause I am wild, wild, wild, I am 'Cause I am wild, wild, wild, I am
Some days, I'm treading the water And feel like it's getting deep Some nights, I drown in the weight Of the things that I think I need Sometimes, I feel incomplete, yeah But you always say to me, say to me
Oh, you say, "Someday when we're older We'll be shining like we're gold Yeah, won't we? (Won't we?) Won't we? (Won't we?) And someday, when we're older I'll be yours and you'll be mine Babe happy (happy), happy" Oh, you say, "Someday when we're older We won't worry 'bout the things That we don't need, we don't need Yeah, one day down the line Before we both run out of time, you're gonna see That someday, we'll be all that we need" Someday, we'll be all that we need
I've been the best, been the worst Been a ghost in a crowded room (Oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah) I took a chance, took a turn Took a dive, and it led to you (Oh, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah) So many times that I wish We could be anywhere but here So many times that I wish I could see what you see so clear, so clear
Oh, you say, "Someday, when we're older We'll be shining like we're gold Yeah, won't we? (Won't we?) Won't we? (Won't we?) Yeah And someday, when we're older I'll be yours and you'll be mine Babe happy (happy), happy" Oh, you say, "Someday, when we're older We won't worry 'bout the things That we don't need (we don't need), we don't need Yeah, one day, down the line Before we both run out of time, you're gonna see That someday, we'll be all that we need" Someday, we'll be all that we need
Oh, you say, "Someday, when we're older We'll be shining like we're gold Yeah, won't we? Won't we? Someday, down the line Before we both run out of time, you're gonna see That someday, we'll be all that we need"
Of the three foxes (mom and kits) that gamboled and hunted in our yard in spring and early summer, one seems to have remained. I like to think it's the mother. Yesterday we saw her having breakfast! The photos are not ideal. She sat and started to eat.
However, we were getting our own breakfast in the kitchen, and I think she sensed our movement, because she trotted off to find privacy.
This afternoon I watched her meander through. She explored the entirety of the yard, sniffing at the bird baths in search of water (and found some). Leaving scat in the yard.
She was quite thorough in her perusal.
And she came quite close to the back door, sniffing the patio intently.
I'm certain she will return, because this afternoon my husband is smoking tri-tip, and the scent of the meat is very compelling!
Yesterday my husband and I headed off to Calero County Park to hike. It's mostly exposed grassland, with steep rolling hills that eventually lead into California Oak woodland. Along the way spots of chaparral appear, and near water, even small creeks, it becomes riparian. It was a total of four miles and the day was sunny, mid-70s, with an occasional gentle breeze. Now and then we would pause to rest and observe. I'm always amazed by the oak trees.
For example, this is a branch. Oak trees grow crooked and gnarled. They are massive. I've wondered why. Brief research tells me there are four main reasons:
Phototropism: they chase sunlight, meaning they even bend sideways to find light and space if they are threatened by tree canopy.
Wind resistance: spiraled trunks and branches help the trees withstand wind so they are resilient and don't break.
Gravity and soil movement: on steep hillsides, soil can shift minutely, causing young roots to also move. To compensate and resume upward growth, the tree employs specialized cells to grow "tension wood". This is what makes them curved.
Loss of main leaders: sometimes the central tip of a young tree breaks off. This allows other branches to compensate and creates a gnarled and wide crown.
Eventually we reached the bluff above the reservoir.
There is no trail access down to the water. Another entrance allows for boats to be launched. As far as I can tell, this is not a swimming lake, as it's a water source for the community.
My stamina being a bit limited, we decided to turn around at this point. We traversed two steep hills (both going up and down) and reached the top of the last one. In the distance I could see the parking lot and our car. So tempting to think about cutting across the fields and heading directly to it! (I circled it in purple.)
But no, being environmentally sensitive hikers, we followed the trail. There was quite an array of scat all along our hike. I saw rabbit pellets, and scat with fur in it which I assume was from mountain lion, bobcat, coyote and fox. This is also a horse trail so there were piles of horse apples every so often.
This is a busy park where the residents have priority. We saw wild turkeys under a large oak close to the lake. On the way back I picked up a turkey feather for my altar. It reminded me of the feather on the cover of my current read, Theo of Golden.
It was a perfect way to spend several hours, and I'm glad we did it then, because we're headed into a hot spell of upper 90s to 100s.
There
is something special about early autumn light. A softness that invites a
desire to capture a moment. Doing a little morning reading of Theo of
Golden.
