Pearl Jam - Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town

I seem to recognize your face
Haunting familiar yet I can't seem to place it
Cannot find the candle of thought to light your name
Lifetimes are catching up with me
All these changes taking place I wish I'd seen the place
But no one's ever taken me
Hearts and thoughts they fade fade away

I swear I recognize your breath
Memories like fingerprints are slowly raising
Me you wouldn't recall, for I'm not my former
It's hard when, your stuck upon the shelf
I changed by not changing at all, small town predicts my fate
Perhaps that's what no one wants to see
I just want to scream, hello
My god its been so long, never dreamed you'd return
But now here you are, and here I am
Hearts and thoughts they fade, away

Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away
Hearts and thoughts they fade, away
Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away
Hearts and thoughts they fade

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Fragile

I am one who is delicate. I am beautiful and must be handled with care.

What is your gift or message for me?

My fragility requires care, and care requires attention. 

What do you want me to do?

Handle yourself gently, especially your inner child heart.

Why did you show up today?

You are hurting. See this part of you and provide tenderness.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

Remember that fragile things can be repaired if broken but may not be restored to original condition. 

Tend Your Fire

Your inner landscape is a forest that has grown for six decades.

Very little new can grow, and it makes sense that you can't figure 

out which way to go. Everything is overgrown,

tangled, and dense. Nothing can move through it.

All this growth is the result of living your life in the context of your parents' lives,

and their experiences influenced how they parented. Your forest holds all of 

their trauma, which was untreated.

Yes. They did the best they could. And in many ways they did a great job.

But in raising you they implicitly handed you their emotional undergrowth.

And they were also a generation of savers and holders; possessions

held meaning and create attachment. This generation feels that objects have 

great value, which is simply one worldview -- not an absolute Truth. 

This has been your reality; it's the element in which 

you grew up. So of course you haven't really seen this.

It's been your normal.

You built a life within that emotional structure and

created as meaningful a life as possible, and it's been a

good life. When you transitioned from career to retirement,

the structure fell away, and now you are noticing how

stifled your soul feels.

Maybe you don't need to burn it all down.

But controlled burns could be useful.

To start a fire you need a spark.

Somewhere within you there is a hot spot, a few embers

that have quietly burned your entire life.

It is the mystery of consciousness when it is embodied.

As long as our bodies are alive, it exists.

So why has it not ignited all the overgrowth yet? 

It's buried so deeply in your subconscious,

like the underground coal fire in an abandoned mine

in Centralia, Pennsylvania, which has burned 

since 1962.

Your equanimity about your parents doing

the best they could is the dense earth,

weighed by gravity, covering your buried fire.

You have a gentle temperament with a compassionate 

streak. It's a gift. And yet any trait in excess creates

challenges. This is yours.

Your work is to uncover your embers, let

air in, rearrange the fuel, and allow ignition.

Fire is amazing. It can be destructive when unconfined, 

but it can warm us, give light, keep us alive. We get 

to have s'mores with them. Tend your fire.

A Glimmer For Today

Hello! I'd like to introduce you to Sydney. They are in the lower left corner of this photo.

Many years ago I was quite phobic about spiders. I'm talking about not being able to sleep if I saw a spider in my bedroom, visceral physical reactions of disgust at seeing one, and intense terror. I loved reading Charlotte's Web and understood intellectually how helpful they were. But this couldn't get past my lizard brain response.

In my 20s I began to work on shifting this. I made myself look at them more closely if I saw them outdoors. I worked on talking myself down to a calmer state. Rather than killing them when I found them at home, I began to rescue and release them. I still had the heebie jeebies with some of the bigger ones. If I found one in the car I'd probably melt down. But for the most part I've gotten over the phobia.

I'm not a passionate or dedicated housekeeper. Dusting feels pointless. The house is neat but a bit cobwebby around the corners. Last September a spider established a small home base on the kitchen sink window. We had a problem with fruit flies in October, and Sydney was quite helpful resolving it. They began to weave a more elaborate home, and I decided as long as it remained confined to the windowsill I would leave it be.

And here we are, six months later. Sydney remains, and the sill is strewn with little carcasses of prior meals. I'm not sure how long spiders live but am impressed how much time has elapsed with Sydney at the sill. I would never have envisioned me allowing this years ago. 

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Feline Familiars

I am one who is soft and curvy, and I am one who is fierce. I am one who enjoys pleasure and will communicate. I am one who is a mystery. I am one who is subtle. And I am one who is primal.

What is your gift or message for me?

Remember to indulge in things that give you joy, comfort, and pleasure.

What do you want me to do?

Watch things. Take your head and eyes out of your computer and watch kitty television, which is watching the world. Be curious about everything around you.

Why did you show up today?

It's been almost a year since Stella died. She was a good friend for 17 years and she is still with you.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is a tendency to laziness and to sneakiness. The light is the magnificent pleasure of being.

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Drowning Samaritan

I am one who tries to rescue others from churning situations. I am one who is sometimes drowning. Parts of me flail in the chaos of living. I am one who tries to contain myself in a little boat, but it is too frail and too small for the task. The container has cracked, letting water (chaos) in.

What is your gift or message for me?

Adapt. Sometimes you can help others. Other times you need to rescue yourself. Learn to swim. Choose the right tool for the job; a bucket is not a boat.

What do you want me to do?

Recognize and respect the power of flow and chaos.

Why did you show up today?

Because you are preoccupied with the severe drought in California, and with Stella's increasing infirmities which feel overwhelming.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

Don't get in over your head.

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Contentment

I am one who appreciates what I have. I am able to accept what IS. I am free of striving, yearning, and clinging. I simply enjoy what I enjoy. I understand contentment. 

What is your gift or message for me?

I am the outcome of the practice of presence, attunement, experiencing all senses.

What do you want me to do?

Each day notice one small pleasure for each sense: sight, sound, scent, taste, touch.

Why did you show up today?

Because you deserve to be reminded.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

Don't pursue me. I cannot be encountered through pursuit. I arrive when you are attending to life's pleasures.

Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aaah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the borderline
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
Of what's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aaah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Comfort Food

I am one who still enjoys the first food I was able to make in childhood. It was my first step toward independence to be able to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I also have fond memories of eating Fluffernutters. I am the go-to food of choice when a sense of nostalgic comfort is needed. 

What is your gift or message for me?

You are capable of nourishing yourself even if in the most rudimentary ways.

What do you want me to do?

Allow yourself to experience this childhood treat occasionally.

Why did you show up today?

It seemed as good a time as any. Go buy some Fluff.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

My shadow is that too much of me will make you ill over time. 

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: 6th Extinction

I am one who feels the tension between the natural world and the human world. I am one who loves color. I am one who secretly wishes and fears that the 6th Extinction would be humans.

What is your gift or message for me?
Seek nature. Trust in the natural process.

What do you want me to do?
As much as possible, spend time not thinking. Imagine being in the body of a woodpecker or fish or mammal. Make this the practice!

Why did you show up today?
Because you need to be reminded that what looks huge on a small level is all part of the puzzle on the big level.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?
The light is the fact that I am not in control of any of this, and the shadow is that I am not in control of any of this.

Beats Antique, Tatyana Kalmykova - Three Sisters

 

Ох и проти тестева двора
Да крута крута гора
Ох и да крута крута гора
Да не взойдешь не взъедешь
Ох и да не взойдешь не взъедешь
Да кузонов отдати
Ох и да гору раскопати
Да гору раскопати
Да у тестя побувати

Зеленая сосенушка
Была зелена
У пятницу Маринушка была весела
У субботу головушку гладила
В воскресенье шла к венчанью плакала
Она своему родны батюшке казала
Что не жалостливый родный батюшка до мене
Отпускаешь молоду замуж от себе
Осталися три садика до мене
Три садика зеленаи все цветут
Они цвятут все ялами цветами
Да будешь родный батюшка рано уставать
Да будешь три садика поливать
Да утренею вечернею зарею
Да своею горючею слезою
Слез не хватит ключевой воды достанешь
С под гар гары метелица сметая
С другой гары ясно солнце восходя
С третей гары Иванушка съезжая
Поставь коня скинь ты шапку послушай
Тамы рябыя кукуша кукуя
А то ж наша Маринушка горюя

Oh, and against my father-in-law's yard
And the mountain is steep, steep
Oh, and the mountain is steep, steep
And you won't climb it, you won't ride it
Oh, and you won't climb it, you won't ride it
And give up the cousins
Oh, and you'll dig up the mountain
And you'll dig up the mountain
And stay with my father-in-law
Green Pine
She was green
On Friday, Marinushka was cheerful
On Saturday, she stroked her head
On Sunday, she went to the wedding, crying
She told her dear father
That her dear father had no compassion for me
You're letting your young woman marry you.
Three little gardens remain before me.
Three little gardens are green and all in bloom.
They're all blooming with wild flowers.
May you, my dear father, tire early.
May you water the three little gardens.
Yes, with the morning and evening dawn.
Yes, with your burning tears.
Tears won't be enough to get the spring water.
From under the mountain, a snowstorm sweeps away the mountain.
From another mountain, the sun rises brightly.
From the third mountain, Ivanushka rides down.
Put your horse down, take off your hat, and listen.
There's a speckled cuckoo.
And then our Marinushka grieves.

SoulCollage® Transpersonal Cards

These are my transpersonal cards. Transpersonal cards do not have a voice or a story. There is the Source card, which represents the Universe; some people call it God, Chi, The Ground of Being, Consciousness and so on. There is Soul Essence, which is incarnated and expressed through one’s body. Lastly there is a Witness, an aspect observing one’s life, thoughts, feelings, and actions without judgment.

Source: The Unmanifest, the Mystery, Ground of Being, the Divine

Soul Essence: Each person’s unique spark of Source, divine potential

Witness: Our Self that observes what is; nonjudgmental consciousness

SoulCollage®

I facilitate a process of personal exploration called SoulCollage®, in which you (the creator!) make a deck of wisdom cards for yourself -- one by one. No art experience is required! I provide orientation to newcomers. 

We meet as a group, and each participant is free to let go of thinking and story, allowing her eyes to lead her to images that feel interesting. These images are trimmed and arranged on a mat board and then glued. When the session ends, we gather to share our cards; we meet that part of ourselves and hear its wisdom using a series of simple questions. 

The experience of being in a room full of people quietly working in the flow of creativity can be deeply heart-satisfying. It is also fun!

SoulCollage® Salons are generally 3-4 hours long. All supplies are included.

SoulCollage® Suits

Transpersonal Cards: Connection with a place of Spirit, a place of knowing Oneness as a container of your Many.

Committee Cards: Our many inner personality parts, our ego, our character.

Council Cards: The archetypes who guide and challenge us personally, and who are active also in the collective consciousness of the planet.

Community Cards: Our guiding sentient beings, teachers, loved ones, pets, even places.

Companion Cards: Animal guides imagined in our body’s energy centers.

You can also purchase the book by Seena Frost, SoulCollage® Evolving: An Intuitive Collage Process for Self-Discovery and Community.

May As Well Show

Not much to tell. Just showing today's art journal practice.

Feb 26 Art Journal

Eva Cassidy - Fields of Gold

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in fields of gold

So she took her love for to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Will you stay with me? Will you be my love?
Among the fields of barley
We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in fields of gold

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I've broken
But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in fields of gold
We'll walk in fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold

You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold 

Every Day Like a Vitamin

I'm 62. My child is 18 and will head off to college this fall. I did the heavy lifting of mothering for 18 years, and while I will always be part of my child's life, they will launch into their own. I have more time, energy, and mental capacity free to use in different ways. Working as a therapist is one project, and I love doing the work. I missed it so much before returning in 2021. 

Another project of mine has been to renovate my life in such a way that I become physically healthier and more fit. Losing weight and regular intense exercise has improved my life so much, particularly my mental health. And goodness knows with the state of U.S. politics, I need to take care of this.

Lately, though, I've noticed I am prioritizing creating daily. It brings such joy and equanimity. It feels as important as eating and sleeping. It puts me in a flow state that enables me to be a decent human being and do good things in the world. But most of all, as I'm getting older, I'm acutely aware that my remaining time is finite and precious. I am going to die. Every day I wake up and put that awareness front and center in my attention, because I want to spend some time every day doing this activity that makes my life rich. When I'm on my deathbed, I want to have no regrets. I want the satisfaction of knowing that I gave myself to life and really engaged.

So every day since January I've been collaging (posted here). And lately I've been making small abstract paintings with watercolor, and converting other painted paper into notecards. It makes me grateful to be alive. And I am grateful to myself that I've made this practice a daily priority.

Tyler Childers - White House Road | OurVinyl Sessions

Whitehouse Road

Early in the morning when the sun does rise
Layin' in the bed with bloodshot eyes
Late in the evenin' when the sun sinks low
Well that's about time my rooster crows
I got women up and down this creek
And they keep me going and my engine clean
Run me ragged but I don't fret
Cause there ain't been one slow me down none yet

Get me drinking' that moonshine
Get me higher than the grocery bill
Take my troubles to the highwall
Throw 'em in the river and get your fill
We been sniffing that cocaine
Ain't nothin' better when the wind cuts cold
Lord it's a mighty hard livin'
But a damn good feelin' to run these roads

I got people try to tell me, Red
Keep this livin' and you'll wind up dead
Cast your troubles on the Lord of Lord's
Or wind up laying on a coolin' board
But I got buddies up White House Road
And they keep me strutting when my feet hang low
Rotgut whiskey gonna ease my pain
'N all this runnin's gonna keep me sane

Get me drinking' that moonshine
Get me higher than the grocery bill
Take my troubles to the highwall
Throw 'em in the river and get your fill
We been sniffing that cocaine
Ain't nothin' better when the wind cuts cold
Lord it's a mighty hard livin'
But a damn good feelin' to run these roads
It's a damn good feelin' to run these roads

When they lay me in the cold hard clay
Won't ya sing them hymns while the banjo plays
You can tell them ladies that they ought not frown
Cause there ain't been nothing ever held me down
Lawmen, women or a shallow grave
Same ol' blues just a different day

Get me drinking' that moonshine
Get me higher than the grocery bill
Take my troubles to the highwall
Throw 'em in the river and get your fill
We been sniffing that cocaine
Ain't nothin' better when the wind cuts cold
Lord it's a mighty hard livin'
But a damn good feelin' to run these roads
It's a damn good feelin' to run these roads
It's a damn good feelin' to run these roads

Noticing

I was cleaning the sink the other evening, and when I pulled the stopper out of the soapy water, this large bubble was attached.

Naturally I whipped out my cell phone to take some photos. I like this one best (despite the shadow of my finger in the lower corner), because the reflective iridescence is beautiful. I see the kitchen windowpane at the top, and other indiscernible objects from the counter. It lasted several minutes; then a subtle shift in the air breached the bubble and *pop*, it was gone. 

I would categorize this as a glimmer -- a moment of fascination and joy. 

Wailin' Jennies - Storm Comin'

When that storm comes
Don’t run for cover
When that storm comes
Don’t run for cover
When that storm comes
Don’t run for cover
Don’t run from the comin’ storm cause there ain’t no use in runnin’

When that rain falls
Let it wash away
When that rain falls
Let it wash away
When that rain falls
Let it wash away
Let it wash away, that falling rain, the tears and the trouble

When those lights flash
Then you’ll hear that thunder roar
When those lights flash
You’ll hear that thunder roar
When those lights flash
You’ll hear that thunder roar
Will you listen to that thunder roar and let your spirit soar

When that love calls
Will you open up your door
When that love calls
Will you open up your door
When that love calls
Will you open up your door
You gotta stand on up and let it in, you gotta let love through your door

When that storm comes
Don’t run for cover
When that storm comes
Don’t run for cover
When that storm comes
Don’t run for cover
Don’t run from the comin’ storm
Cause you cant keep a storm from comin’