Say Good Morning

What do you do 

when you head into the morning 

to pick dandelion leaves for the rabbit, 

and you meet a

pea-sized spot of joy on a plant?

-Kathryn Harper

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Presence, Patience, and Time

I am one who waits with dignity, with the composure of the Buddha. I am one who understands the difference between psychological time and the eternal present. I understand how to use psychological time in my life situations, yet I remain aware of my connection to timeless Presence, from which I come and which embodies me.

What is your gift or message for me?

I am subtle, and the world's noise can be distracting.

What do you want me to do?

Identify what makes you feel most alive and practice it daily, even if for a few moments.

Why did you show up today?

Because you were ready.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

Both light and shadow are needed.

Fear - NF

The Crows Wait Patiently

Two crows on a bare branch,
one grooming the other
as the nigh spring sun sets;
a breeze makes shadows dance

over the empty bowl.

-Kathryn Harper

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Our Lady of Coffee

I am one who requires coffee. I am one who appreciates the daily ritual. I am one whose mind cannot function without a dose. I am one who is a mother and whose work is without end.

What is your gift or message for me?

That I am bottomless and endless and full of energy. 

What do you want me to do?

Enjoy imbibing without guilt or concern. Go out more to coffee shops. I am not meant to be drunk alone all the time. Life is messy and it's ok to spill, and sometimes art arises from what feels like a mistake.

Why did you show up today?

Because I'm ordinary and deeply integral to your life. And because you are feeling like hibernating and more tired because of the season.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is that drinking more coffee will not resolve your exhaustion if it is coming from other sources. The light is the pleasure of the ritual.

Don't Throw Out My Legos - AJR

Tell me you're nervous about going off to college without telling me...

My new address is hard to remember
So I wrote it on the back of my hand
'Cause I leave the nest, this coming December
To make it as a grown man
I'm about to lose my only defenders
I'm packing up whatever I can
Been waiting for today but
All I can think to say is

Oh no, don't throw out my Legos
What if I can't let go
What if I come back home, back home
Oh no, don't throw out my Legos
What if I can't let go
What if I come back home, back home

Can we keep my Legos at home
'Cause I wanna move out, I don't wanna move on

People want shirts, with the band name on it
And suddenly we ain't so bad
Saved up enough to rent an apartment
Far away from mom and dad
My Christmas card looks like a mugshot
'Cause suddenly I'm getting sad
Been waiting for today but
All I can think to say is

Oh no, don't throw out my Legos
What if I can't let go
What if I come back home, back home
Oh no, don't throw out my Legos
What if I can't let go
What if I come back home, back home

Can we keep my Legos at home
'Cause I wanna move out, I don't wanna move on
Can we keep my Legos at home
'Cause I wanna move out, I don't wanna move on

It's cold out there, you're standing there
You're trying to face your greatest fear
You're shivering, you're trembling
It's warm in here so come back in

Oh no, don't throw out my Legos
What if I can't let go
What if I come back home, back home
Oh no, don't throw out my Legos
What if I can't let go
What if I come back home, back home
Oh no, don't throw out my Legos
What if I can't let go
What if I come back home, back home
Oh, no, I'll come by when I'm grown
It won't be the same, though
I can't even go home, go home

Can we keep my Legos at home
'Cause I wanna move out, I don't wanna move on

Such a Fun Bun

 

I spent this afternoon painting this lil guy in my art journal. I'm in an art/craft/snail mail swap group, and one of the swaps is to paint a whimsical bunny following this tutorial from Painted Willow art. I had a lot of fun playing with it. Once I apply wax seal to protect the paint, I'll cut the paper and mail it as a 4x6 inch postcard. Everyone in the swap is doing the same project, but of course each one will be unique. I'm looking forward to sending this bit of happiness along. 

Pink - Raise Your Glass

Right, right, turn off the lights
We're gonna lose our minds tonight
What's the dealio?
I love when it's all too much
5 A.M. turn the radio up
Where's the rock 'n roll?

Party crasher, panty snatcher
Call me up if you're a gangsta
Don't be fancy, just get dancy
Why so serious?

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways, all my underdogs
We will never be, never be anything but loud
And nitty, gritty, dirty, little freaks
Won't you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!?
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass!

Slam, slam, oh hot damn
What part of a party don't you understand?
Wish you'd just freak out
(Freak out already)
Can't stop, coming in hot
I should be locked up right on the spot
It's so on right now
(It's so fucking on right now)

Party crasher, panty snatcher
Call me up if you're a gangsta
Don't be fancy, just get dancy
Why so serious?

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways, all my underdogs
We will never be, never be anything but loud
And nitty, gritty, dirty, little freaks
Won't you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!?
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Won't you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!?
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass!

Oh shit! My glass is empty
That sucks!

So if you're too school for cool
(I mean)
And you're treated like a fool
(You're treated like a fool)
You can choose to let it go
We can always, we can always party on our own

So raise your (oh, fuck)
So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways, all my underdogs
We will never be, never be anything but loud
And nitty, gritty, dirty, little freaks

(So raise your glass if you are wrong)
So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways, all my underdogs
We will never be, never be anything but loud
And nitty, gritty, dirty, little freaks
Won't you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Won't you come on and come on and
Raise your glass for me!
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass for me!

For me

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: One Who Hides

I am one who feels very small and wants to be invisible. I protect myself and want to remain hidden. I have survived because I am skilled at being elusive, furtive, and alert. I don't want connection; I don't want to be tamed. I mind my own business and remain wild, untouchable.

What is your gift or message for me?

Just because I move through the world unnoticed does not mean my life is pointless. 

What do you want me to do?

Create and distribute your art, your words and thoughts, without concern if it will be seen by others. 

Why did you show up today?

You are worthy of existing in your own eyes alone. 

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The light is you do not need external validation. 

How God Remembers That Which is Least

This was originally written in January 2016.

Yesterday I walked home from dropping my daughter at school, and I passed by a wounded mourning dove on the sidewalk. It was camouflaged and nearly undetectable. In a matter of seconds my eye saw it, my heart said, Oh! Poor creature, and my legs kept walking. I thought -- actually, I felt a physical pressure in my torso -- the prompt of compassion to move it off the sidewalk, and this was immediately chased away by the thought, Remember, avian flu, don't want to get something like that.

I kept walking, but a debate occurred between my mind and that felt part of me. I hesitate to call it my heart, because it filled my torso. It was an interesting experience, since another part of me was detached enough to witness the event. This is what unfolded:

Feet are walking.

Head: Keep going. It could have disease.

Heart: You can wash your hands as soon as you get home. It's vulnerable. At least move it off the sidewalk.

Head: It's probably going to die.

Feet keep walking.

Heart: Just move it! Even if it dies, let it be somewhere safer.

Head: No, it's silly. It's just a bird. Not a big deal. Besides, I'm several houses past it.

Heart: Go back. Go back, pick it up, and put it under a bush. 

Feet move more slowly.

Head: You're kidding, right? Feet, keep walking. It's no big deal.

Feet continue to move, even more slowly.

Heart: You must go back. Turn around, walk back, and move the bird. It's a living creature.

Feet stop.

Head: Really?

Heart: Really.

My body turned around, my feet walked half a block back to the bird. I leaned down and gently cupped my hands around it. I lifted the bird and saw that it was dead. Its eyes remained open, but there was not even the slightest movement of a feather. I tucked it under a bush. I wasn't thinking. The act itself felt like a prayer. I took out my phone and snapped a picture. It was just a bird, but it had been living and now it wasn't. It seemed right to memorialize it in a photo. Then I stood up and began walking home.

Peace coursed through my body. It was an act of compassion, however small.

Heart: Thank you.

Head: Okay, just be sure to wash your hands really well when you get home.

Today, a scripture from my childhood came to mind, Luke 12:6: "Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God."

We are God's eyes. We are called to remember. That is how God moves in the world.

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Needy Glutton

I am one who overeats sweet, salty, fatty foods because they taste delicious. I eat mindlessly and compulsively. I am one who uses food to manage my emotions and distract myself. I am one who does this despite knowing that overconsumption is like playing with a loaded gun. 

What is your gift or message for me?

This is a real part of you. It is possible you have an actual addiction to sugar, refined flour, and fat.

What do you want me to do?

Knowing, owning, and accepting this part of yourself will be part of your journey.

Why did you show up today?

Because you pretend I don't exist... and I insist on being acknowledged.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The light is gusto.

Sitting With Anxiety

Sitting With Anxiety

Up until recently I actively avoided Anxiety whenever I saw her coming my way. Unfortunately, she would always see me trying to dodge her, and she would pursue me, shouting, "Hey, wait, I need to talk to you!" I've never liked her. The whole of her personality irritates me. She could be considered high strung. Anxiety is a chain-smoker. She looks like a famine survivor from hardly eating, and her hands tremble. Her skin is blotchy from lack of sleep, and the worry lines around her face seem engraved into her skin, even though she is my age.

Moreover, an encounter with Anxiety always leaves me perturbed, restless, and edgy. Sometimes I feel extremely irritated with her. Anxiety has an ability to pop up in many places I don't expect her. I'm amazed to see her at so many social functions, because I know her presence has a similar effect on other people. Anxiety is always bemoaning some imagined future catastrophe. She worries and reads danger into the slightest mishaps. She has a habit of showing up almost constantly when my life is chaotic. I've spent many years listening to her stories and reacting in alarm to them. I've tried to get rid of her politely, but when she won't leave, I seethe with resentment. I've even ordered her out a few times, yet she always returns. And as long as I engage in this judgmental avoidant way, she feeds off this and won't leave.

Well, I had an epiphany the other day. Anxiety caught up with me, and rather than dismiss her, or listen politely while swallowing my annoyance, I decided to withhold judgment a moment. I asked myself, "What is Anxiety trying to communicate? What does she want?" As I pondered life from her perspective, I realized that Anxiety sees herself as my friend. And, because she is naturally tense and worried, her perceptions of the world are tainted by this. As my friend, she is simply looking out for me, in the best way she knows how. Even if it means warning me of imagined dangers. I have the power to choose how I listen to her. I can believe her and react in alarm, allowing her tension to inflame me. Or I can receive her kind intent while detaching myself from the content of her words.

So now, when Anxiety finds me, I make myself available for a few moments. Often what she seeks is reassurance. I hold her trembling hands and acknowledge her worries. Once she knows I have heard her, she is satisfied for a while and flits off to someone else. Anxiety does have her place in this world. I am learning, though, how to keep this relationship in perspective.

-- Kathryn Harper

Photo:“1BabnnxO1xPYXBziw4xB--0--knth4” by Amanda Girard, CC BY-SA 4.0

I wrote this reflection in the style of Ruth Gendler and her lovely work, The Book of Qualities.

Robert DeLong - Long Way Down

I've been fucking around while you've been saving the world
I've been out of my mind
I've been dreaming things and scheming things
I've been smoking the poison
You've been slinging your anecdotes
I've been fucking around while you were saving the world
From nothing

The end, the end
Things will never go our way
The end, the end
Things will never go

So take it in, don't hold your breath
The bottom's all I found
We can't get higher than we get
On the long way down

On the long way down
On the long way down

Burning mud in my eyes, blinding me from the truth
If there's a shadow in me
The dark is a tidal wave inside of you
Taking shots of communion
Getting drunk on your antidote
I'll save you a seat next to me down below

The end, the end
Everyone will go away
The end, the end
Everything will go

So take it in, don't hold your breath
The bottom's all I've found
We can't get higher than we get
On the long way down

On the long way down
On the long way down

Oh, ooh, oh, oh, ooh, oh, oh, oh [x4]

On the long way down
On the long way down, down, down

So take it in, don't hold your breath
The bottom's all I've found
We can't get higher than we get
On the long way down

On the long way down
On the long way down

So take it in, don't hold your breath
The bottom's all I've found
We can't get higher than we get
On the long way down

On the long way down

On the long way down

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Miracle Worker

I am one who, in the season of scarcity, was able to produce new life. I am one who creates and who is rich deep inside. I received a gift from the universe. I am one whose body is luscious and full and vibrant.

What is your gift or message for me?

That the universe is full of marvelous surprises, and you're on a journey of creating life, even as you gain years of age. 

What do you want me to do?

Trust life, trust your intuition, continue delving in.

Why did you show up today?

I want you to celebrate your body and your life in all its power.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is forgetting that there is more than meets the senses... forgetting that this body is just a temporary vehicle.

Sometimes I Get the Zoomies

Sometimes when I have sessions with clients I internally experience what I call the zoomies. This is a term those of us with pet rabbits use (along with binkies) to describe a frisky, frenetic state we sometimes observe in them. It's a high energy expression that I interpret as sheer joy. In my situation, it's an emotional, spiritual, existential event.

It arises from the interaction I have with a client, when my heart feels connected to theirs, when I am flooded with gratitude to be in the room with them, in this role, doing what I've been gifted and trained to do: to serve in ways that help the person heal and grow. Sometimes this feeling brings me to the point where I feel close to tears. Another word for what I feel is love.

How fortunate I am! I'm grateful to life, and I'm grateful to myself for persevering through all the obstacles and challenges over the years to establish myself in this role. And lastly, I'm grateful for my husband, whose steadfast company and material provision over many years sustained me while I took a detour from the profession to immerse myself in motherhood and other experiences, before I wound my way back to this role.

“Footloose” by Porsupah Ree, CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Tender Protection

                                    

I am one who is small and frightened, who needs protection. I am one who wanted protection. I am one who wants an all-present Mother, who wants tenderness.

What is your gift or message for me?

That in mothering Bean the way I wanted to be mothered I am being healed.

What do you want me to do?

Hold yourself tenderly. Remember fear is an idea and love heals. So take time to love when you feel fear.

Why did you show up today?

Because you were ready to pay attention to me at last.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is abandonment, feelings of abandonment. The light is that attention is love.

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Hot Tomato

I am one who is juicy and curvy and full of life. I am sweet and tangy. I am tempting. I am the dame they call a Hot Tomato.

What is your gift or message for me?

Be in the fullness of your body. Take up space. Tomatoes go with everything.

What do you want me to do?

Show yourself off to the world. Be proud of your abundance.

Why did you show up today?

Because you're ripe.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is over-ripeness, fruit rotting on the vine. The light is celebration.

Pearl Jam - Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town

I seem to recognize your face
Haunting familiar yet I can't seem to place it
Cannot find the candle of thought to light your name
Lifetimes are catching up with me
All these changes taking place I wish I'd seen the place
But no one's ever taken me
Hearts and thoughts they fade fade away

I swear I recognize your breath
Memories like fingerprints are slowly raising
Me you wouldn't recall, for I'm not my former
It's hard when, your stuck upon the shelf
I changed by not changing at all, small town predicts my fate
Perhaps that's what no one wants to see
I just want to scream, hello
My god its been so long, never dreamed you'd return
But now here you are, and here I am
Hearts and thoughts they fade, away

Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away
Hearts and thoughts they fade, away
Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away
Hearts and thoughts they fade

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Fragile

I am one who is delicate. I am beautiful and must be handled with care.

What is your gift or message for me?

My fragility requires care, and care requires attention. 

What do you want me to do?

Handle yourself gently, especially your inner child heart.

Why did you show up today?

You are hurting. See this part of you and provide tenderness.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

Remember that fragile things can be repaired if broken but may not be restored to original condition.