A Contemplation

A Contemplation

My body is no longer my own. It contains a
sprout like a fiddlehead fern frond, curled
inward on itself.

Microscopic cells mystically multiply
with fervor, their intention known only
to themselves.

While I breathe, while I sleep, whether
I churn like a river or remain a placid lake,
this body has

Its own mission. Summer is coming.

-Kathryn Harper

When the ICE agent is Canadian… | This Hour Has 22 Minutes

This is your feel-good video for the day!

Self-Care in Political Chaos

Someone shared this clip from PBS with me: The surprising way to fight political exhaustion, in which sociologist Tressie McMillan Cottom talks about "agency" as a key to countering exhaustion from relentless horrible world news and politics. 

She's on point. It makes me think... if I'm standing still awhile, it starts to hurt and get heavy, my feet and hips ache, etc. But if I walk or move in some way, pain recedes. (I had a lot of retail jobs long ago.) Passive consumption of news forces us to stand and hold heaviness, which feels even MORE heavy because that's all we're attending to. I liked her term: agentic. 

This is why I've joined to volunteer with Action for Happiness, and why I've started making "little art" earnestly, on the regular, and why I'm returning to frequent entries here, and might even write poetry again. Since this post is public, I can't pretend I'll be a secret agent -- but I can be an agent for kindness. 

The Bun

 

she is soft and gray
and likes to play, binking and
zooming around.
she snacks on flowers,
a sentient lawnmower
wherever grasses abound. 

        -Kathryn Harper        

What Is Real

"In our constant search for meaning in this baffling and temporary existence, trapped as we are within our three pounds of neurons, it is sometimes hard to tell what is real. We often invent what isn't there. Or ignore what is". 

- Alan Lightman

Picture This - Things Are Different

Some of us will drift apart while others stay together

And some will step in from the rain while others face the weather
And some will take their last breath while others breathe new life
And though they're standing on our necks, there's still the will to fight

Just 'cause things are different, don't mean anything has changed
And I know the world's on fire, but there's beauty in the flame
And we don't know how much longer
But we know we're gonna come back stronger, oh-oh
Just 'cause things are different, don't mean anything, anything has changed

Some of us will lose ourselves while others rediscover (ooh)
The lovers and the innocence, a baby to its mother (ooh)
And some will grasp it in their hands while others lose control (ooh)
Yeah, we gotta leave our fingerprints to let the future know, oh

Just 'cause things are different, don't mean anything has changed
And I know the world's on fire, but there's beauty in the flame
And we don't know how much longer
But we know we're gonna come back stronger, oh-oh
Just 'cause things are different, don't mean anything, anything has changed

I'll be the light (eh)
If you follow me, I will be everything you need
I'll be the leader
If you want it, I promise that I will set you free

Just 'cause things are different, don't mean anything has changed
And though the world's on fire, there's beauty in the flame
And we don't know how much longer
But we know we're gonna come back stronger, oh-oh
Just 'cause things are different, don't mean anything, anything has changed

I'll be the light (eh)
If you follow me, I will be everything you need
I'll be the leader
If you want it, I promise that I will set you free (changed)

I'll be the light (eh)
If you follow me, I will be everything you need
I'll be the leader (eh)
If you want it, I promise that I will set you free

Practice

The art journal practice is strong. Some days I do one page and others result in several. The process draws me into wordless intuition. It's a little mysterious. I always enjoy it and like the results, and sometimes I feel as though a bit of magic unfolded. Today felt like that.

Low Winter Sun

Low Winter Sun 

The sun peers

over my shoulder

through the window.

Winter sunlight arrives

deferentially -- or perhaps

casually, like a cat deciding

to settle for a nap against

a poet on the sofa.

-Kathryn Harper

Greenland Defense Front - The Hungry Giant (Official Music Video)

On Renee Nicole Good

On The Resolve of Minnesota

Reality

I am not okay. I saw the video of Renee Good being murdered. I am an empath and a therapist. I had to find the energy and attention to be present with my clients today, while also carrying the physical, mental, and emotional load of horror and despair. It's the misogyny. The fact that a government entity is lying about what happened. The speed with which a man just decided to snuff out a woman's life by obliterating her face with bullets and then calling her a "fucking bitch" after. I appreciate these events are documented on video, but it's also traumatic to witness.

Barns Courtney - Glitter & Gold

I am flesh and I am bone
Rise up, ting ting, like glitter and gold
I've got fire in my soul
Rise up, ting ting, like glitter

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Like glitter and gold
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Like glitter

Do you walk in the valley of kings?
Do you walk in the shadow of men
Who sold their lives to a dream?
Do you ponder the manner of things
In the dark
The dark, the dark, the dark

I am flesh and I am bone
I'll rise ting ting like glitter and gold
I've got fire in my soul
Rise up, ting ting, like glitter

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Like glitter and gold
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Like glitter

Do you walk in the meadow of spring?
Do you talk to the animals?
Do you hold their lives from a string?
Do you ponder the manner of things
In the dark
The dark, the dark, the dark

I am flesh and I am bone
I'll rise ting ting like glitter and gold
I've got fire in my soul
Rise up, ting ting, like glitter
I am flesh and I am bone
I'll rise ting ting like glitter and gold
I've got fire in my soul
Rise up, ting ting, like glitter

'Cause everybody in the backroom's spinning out
Don't remember what you're asking for
And everybody in the front room's tripping out
You left your bottle at the door
Cause everybody in the backroom's spinning out
Don't remember what you're asking for
And everybody in the front room's tripping out
You left your bottle at the door

Fireflies

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
'Cause they fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude but I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems

'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they tried to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sock hop beneath my bed
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems
I fall asleep

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep?
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep
(Please take me, please take me away from here)

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes
Got misty eyes as they said farewell (we sailing away)
But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar (we sailing away)

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems (we sailing away)
I'd like to make myself believe (believe)
That planet Earth (turn, turns) turns slowly (slowly)
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems (I fall asleep)
I'd like to make myself believe
Planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

Eva Cassidy - Over The Rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
In the land that I heard of once
Once in a lullaby

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me

Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true

If happy little blue birds fly
Above the rainbow
Why, oh why, can't I?

Art Fun

Somewhere across one of my social media feeds a person shared a little hobby that caught my attention. It involves graph paper, one-inch squares of paper, scissors, and glue. I have a lot of extra bits of paper from painting and crafting, so I went to town on making them into squares. The goal of this is the process, not perfection. So the squares need not be perfectly one-inch, nor do they need to be affixed in perfect alignment. I had a lot of fun with these two pages and will definitely do more.

Oh Please!

Tanka

 

The blue sky, hidden

wind painting clouds in brushstrokes

crows, a swath of dots --

winter is tracing its name

I wait patiently for spring.

-Kathryn Harper

The Library, Mid-Winter

The Library, Mid-Winter

The library chair holds the shape of a body
better than the body holds the news.
Outside, the rain is a gray slant of percussion,
drumming a rhythm for a march starting 
somewhere south of our borders.

We ate eggs while discussing our work
of mending, healing hearts and minds.
We called out each other's blind spots
to examine, completely safe within
our connection of love and respect.

But it’s time to undress the Christmas tree,
to stow the baubles and lights, yet I dawdle.
The branches hold beloved memories
that visit once a year. There is no guarantee
I will unpack them again.

I think of the earth, waiting for the pine,
waiting for me -- to be turned back into
something that helps the flowers grow.

-Kathryn Harper

In Your Bones

A blessing, a wish, and a prayer for you.

 

How I Spent Today

I spent part of today participating in the online volunteering with Action for Happiness. 

Originally I was seeking community, a group to visit and participate in locally in person. And perhaps I will find this. However, there are no groups associated with this organization in the western United States, so I figured I'd take the free training and see what develops. 

The training was easy and the concepts are simple. As with much wisdom, simple does not equate with low-effort. Experiencing joy on the regular is a practice; it only develops with continuous effort. 

AFH organizes itself around ten key points that form an acronym: GREAT DREAM. Attending to these keys contribute to one's own happiness as well as that of others. Additionally, not doing harm is a potent contribution to well-being. 

Giving: doing kind things for others

These acts can be small! The driver who is trying to merge into your lane? Let her. Look at the clerk as he rings up your purchase and say hello sincerely. Not adding to unhappiness also counts; if you're tempted to flip someone off because they did something thoughtless, take a breath and let it go.

   

Relating: connect with other people

We live in a digital world, and we've succumbed to the idea that social media is truly connection. To an extent it does provide connection, but in a limited way. We need to share space with others, to speak to people in person, or on the phone in real time engagement. We've got to leave our safe little caves where we watch the shadows on the wall and call that interaction, and take a little risk to participate in the three dimensional world.

 

Exercising: take care of your body

One thing I have discovered in the past three years is that my body -- and yours -- needs to move. And it deserves to move and feel good, even if it's not in great shape or sized according to cultural standards. In August 2022 I realized I was on a bad trajectory with what I ate, how I moved, and the weight I carried. I was in pain, and I knew that the extra weight would create more health problems as I age. So I began to move -- short stints of strength training -- to get strong. Only after I became a bit stronger did I begin to change how I ate. I knew I had to figure out how to eat to drop weight but in a way that didn't make me rebel and drop out. What worked for me was accepting that I need to record what I eat diligently; I can eat whatever I want, but I need to be honest with myself. This enabled me to better understand my energy needs. Three years later, I've dropped 77 pounds. I'm technically still overweight, but it's a whole new life. Exercise makes me feel centered, and sometimes it makes me feel awesome. You deserve to move!

 

Awareness: live mindfully

This buzzword, along with "zen", has permeated culture for the past couple of decades, but what does it really mean? For me, it means pausing, breathing, experiencing my senses, even if for one minute. It means staying off my phone while I eat and actually savoring the food. To listen to the sounds of my neighborhood. To take a break from my buzzing thoughts.

 

Trying Out: keep learning new things

Anything new! A recipe. A hobby. Read a new genre of book. Try a puzzle. Explore Duolingo. Learning keeps us vital. A curious mind prevents boredom.  

 

Direction: have goals to look forward to

What would you like to accomplish or change in your life? It could be a big goal. These are best approached in smaller stages. Or your goal could be to take a vacation, try a new cuisine, or go to bed a bit more regularly for better sleep. 

 

Resilience: find ways to bounce back 

This can be hard. We are evolutionarily designed to look for danger, to be cautious, which can result in seeing threat everywhere, feeling competitive, and judging oneself harshly for falling short. There is one person who will be with you and never leave you: yourself. Our life work is to learn to be our own friend and loving parent to ourselves, even if we did not receive ideal parenting. To try and if we fail, to say, "It's okay. Learning takes effort. I'm allowed to be imperfect and grow." 

 

Emotions: look for what's good

Again, we can get caught in negative assessments and stories of ourselves and others, and of the world. I'm not suggesting you be toxically positive and to ignore feelings such as sadness, disappointment, or anger. I'm asking you not to shortchange yourself by dismissing the good. If you are temperamentally more pessimistic, as I am, this will take effort. In my effort to be "an informed citizen" I find myself doomscrolling the news, but that brings me down. And it helps no one. So I balance this by turning my attention to appreciating the good as much as I can. 

 

Acceptance: be comfortable with who you are

This is a life project. It's connected to resilience. To accept that it's all right to make mistakes, to mess up -- it's a fact of being alive. What matters is learning, and learning to repair when needed. It's knowing some things about yourself that you like, and knowing your strengths, as well as knowing the areas you would like to change or need to improve, and being reasonable with your self-assessment. 

 

Meaning: be part of something bigger

We are not just here for our own satisfaction and gain. We need each other. Humans seek and create meaning in their lives. We are already part of something bigger. This understanding has the potential to make one feel insignificant, but it also means that we belong in the natural order of things. Someone asked me recently what I love about myself. My answer was: "That "I" am a universe of systems and life forms existing in a larger universe of life forms in this mystery." My body is made of cells, systems (skeletal, muscular, vascular, etc.) and bacteria populate it everywhere. All of it contributes to my existence. In turn, I am part of a family, a city, a state, a country, a culture, the human race, the world, the universe. I interact with all of it and have impact. I matter. So do you.

Perhaps you'd like to join me?

This Year's Intentions

I took this photo at Maker Faire last fall. It's difficult to explain what this was, but people were invited to enter into this space of whirling light. It depicts how time feels to me. Soon enough we'll say good-bye to 2026. Here is what I aim for in my life practice.

Daily

• I will continue to meditate daily for five minutes; it's the holy pause, and even brief episodes have a positive impact.
• Each day I walk, at a minimum, 2,000 steps; given my sedentary job and life, it stuns me how few steps I could take if I don't make the effort. Last year my average was 4,835 steps (2.28 miles per day).
• Read a book -- it requires deep attention.

Weekly

• Make art. It can be small, quick, and simple. Or it can be elaborate.
• Seek and invite spending time with my child, who is leaving in eight months.
• Date night with Hub; this has vastly improved our connection in the past several years.
• See clients -- my work, which I really enjoy.
• Exercise four to five times a week, including strength training.
• Write one blog entry.

Monthly

• See friends!
• Go on side quests with Hub.
• Attend Open Studio with friends.

Yearly

• Improve overall physical fitness, including shedding more weight.
• Read at least 30 books.
• Travel with Hub on a couple of trips.
• Get my child moved to college.
• Explore and create new community.
• Attend a few Ecstatic Dances.

Throughout the year I will check in with myself to ensure I'm attending to these small projects that help me to live richly.