Robert DeLong - Long Way Down

I've been fucking around while you've been saving the world
I've been out of my mind
I've been dreaming things and scheming things
I've been smoking the poison
You've been slinging your anecdotes
I've been fucking around while you were saving the world
From nothing

The end, the end
Things will never go our way
The end, the end
Things will never go

So take it in, don't hold your breath
The bottom's all I found
We can't get higher than we get
On the long way down

On the long way down
On the long way down

Burning mud in my eyes, blinding me from the truth
If there's a shadow in me
The dark is a tidal wave inside of you
Taking shots of communion
Getting drunk on your antidote
I'll save you a seat next to me down below

The end, the end
Everyone will go away
The end, the end
Everything will go

So take it in, don't hold your breath
The bottom's all I've found
We can't get higher than we get
On the long way down

On the long way down
On the long way down

Oh, ooh, oh, oh, ooh, oh, oh, oh [x4]

On the long way down
On the long way down, down, down

So take it in, don't hold your breath
The bottom's all I've found
We can't get higher than we get
On the long way down

On the long way down
On the long way down

So take it in, don't hold your breath
The bottom's all I've found
We can't get higher than we get
On the long way down

On the long way down

On the long way down

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Miracle Worker

I am one who, in the season of scarcity, was able to produce new life. I am one who creates and who is rich deep inside. I received a gift from the universe. I am one whose body is luscious and full and vibrant.

What is your gift or message for me?

That the universe is full of marvelous surprises, and you're on a journey of creating life, even as you gain years of age. 

What do you want me to do?

Trust life, trust your intuition, continue delving in.

Why did you show up today?

I want you to celebrate your body and your life in all its power.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is forgetting that there is more than meets the senses... forgetting that this body is just a temporary vehicle.

Sometimes I Get the Zoomies

Sometimes when I have sessions with clients I internally experience what I call the zoomies. This is a term those of us with pet rabbits use (along with binkies) to describe a frisky, frenetic state we sometimes observe in them. It's a high energy expression that I interpret as sheer joy. In my situation, it's an emotional, spiritual, existential event.

It arises from the interaction I have with a client, when my heart feels connected to theirs, when I am flooded with gratitude to be in the room with them, in this role, doing what I've been gifted and trained to do: to serve in ways that help the person heal and grow. Sometimes this feeling brings me to the point where I feel close to tears. Another word for what I feel is love.

How fortunate I am! I'm grateful to life, and I'm grateful to myself for persevering through all the obstacles and challenges over the years to establish myself in this role. And lastly, I'm grateful for my husband, whose steadfast company and material provision over many years sustained me while I took a detour from the profession to immerse myself in motherhood and other experiences, before I wound my way back to this role.

“Footloose” by Porsupah Ree, CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Tender Protection

                                    

I am one who is small and frightened, who needs protection. I am one who wanted protection. I am one who wants an all-present Mother, who wants tenderness.

What is your gift or message for me?

That in mothering Bean the way I wanted to be mothered I am being healed.

What do you want me to do?

Hold yourself tenderly. Remember fear is an idea and love heals. So take time to love when you feel fear.

Why did you show up today?

Because you were ready to pay attention to me at last.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is abandonment, feelings of abandonment. The light is that attention is love.

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Hot Tomato

I am one who is juicy and curvy and full of life. I am sweet and tangy. I am tempting. I am the dame they call a Hot Tomato.

What is your gift or message for me?

Be in the fullness of your body. Take up space. Tomatoes go with everything.

What do you want me to do?

Show yourself off to the world. Be proud of your abundance.

Why did you show up today?

Because you're ripe.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is over-ripeness, fruit rotting on the vine. The light is celebration.

Pearl Jam - Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town

I seem to recognize your face
Haunting familiar yet I can't seem to place it
Cannot find the candle of thought to light your name
Lifetimes are catching up with me
All these changes taking place I wish I'd seen the place
But no one's ever taken me
Hearts and thoughts they fade fade away

I swear I recognize your breath
Memories like fingerprints are slowly raising
Me you wouldn't recall, for I'm not my former
It's hard when, your stuck upon the shelf
I changed by not changing at all, small town predicts my fate
Perhaps that's what no one wants to see
I just want to scream, hello
My god its been so long, never dreamed you'd return
But now here you are, and here I am
Hearts and thoughts they fade, away

Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away
Hearts and thoughts they fade, away
Hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away
Hearts and thoughts they fade

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Fragile

I am one who is delicate. I am beautiful and must be handled with care.

What is your gift or message for me?

My fragility requires care, and care requires attention. 

What do you want me to do?

Handle yourself gently, especially your inner child heart.

Why did you show up today?

You are hurting. See this part of you and provide tenderness.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

Remember that fragile things can be repaired if broken but may not be restored to original condition. 

Tend Your Fire

Your inner landscape is a forest that has grown for six decades.

Very little new can grow, and it makes sense that you can't figure 

out which way to go. Everything is overgrown,

tangled, and dense. Nothing can move through it.

All this growth is the result of living your life in the context of your parents' lives,

and their experiences influenced how they parented. Your forest holds all of 

their trauma, which was untreated.

Yes. They did the best they could. And in many ways they did a great job.

But in raising you they implicitly handed you their emotional undergrowth.

And they were also a generation of savers and holders; possessions

held meaning and create attachment. This generation feels that objects have 

great value, which is simply one worldview -- not an absolute Truth. 

This has been your reality; it's the element in which 

you grew up. So of course you haven't really seen this.

It's been your normal.

You built a life within that emotional structure and

created as meaningful a life as possible, and it's been a

good life. When you transitioned from career to retirement,

the structure fell away, and now you are noticing how

stifled your soul feels.

Maybe you don't need to burn it all down.

But controlled burns could be useful.

To start a fire you need a spark.

Somewhere within you there is a hot spot, a few embers

that have quietly burned your entire life.

It is the mystery of consciousness when it is embodied.

As long as our bodies are alive, it exists.

So why has it not ignited all the overgrowth yet? 

It's buried so deeply in your subconscious,

like the underground coal fire in an abandoned mine

in Centralia, Pennsylvania, which has burned 

since 1962.

Your equanimity about your parents doing

the best they could is the dense earth,

weighed by gravity, covering your buried fire.

You have a gentle temperament with a compassionate 

streak. It's a gift. And yet any trait in excess creates

challenges. This is yours.

Your work is to uncover your embers, let

air in, rearrange the fuel, and allow ignition.

Fire is amazing. It can be destructive when unconfined, 

but it can warm us, give light, keep us alive. We get 

to have s'mores with them. Tend your fire.

-Kathryn Harper

A Glimmer For Today

Hello! I'd like to introduce you to Sydney. They are in the lower left corner of this photo.

Many years ago I was quite phobic about spiders. I'm talking about not being able to sleep if I saw a spider in my bedroom, visceral physical reactions of disgust at seeing one, and intense terror. I loved reading Charlotte's Web and understood intellectually how helpful they were. But this couldn't get past my lizard brain response.

In my 20s I began to work on shifting this. I made myself look at them more closely if I saw them outdoors. I worked on talking myself down to a calmer state. Rather than killing them when I found them at home, I began to rescue and release them. I still had the heebie jeebies with some of the bigger ones. If I found one in the car I'd probably melt down. But for the most part I've gotten over the phobia.

I'm not a passionate or dedicated housekeeper. Dusting feels pointless. The house is neat but a bit cobwebby around the corners. Last September a spider established a small home base on the kitchen sink window. We had a problem with fruit flies in October, and Sydney was quite helpful resolving it. They began to weave a more elaborate home, and I decided as long as it remained confined to the windowsill I would leave it be.

And here we are, six months later. Sydney remains, and the sill is strewn with little carcasses of prior meals. I'm not sure how long spiders live but am impressed how much time has elapsed with Sydney at the sill. I would never have envisioned me allowing this years ago. 

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Feline Familiars

I am one who is soft and curvy, and I am one who is fierce. I am one who enjoys pleasure and will communicate. I am one who is a mystery. I am one who is subtle. And I am one who is primal.

What is your gift or message for me?

Remember to indulge in things that give you joy, comfort, and pleasure.

What do you want me to do?

Watch things. Take your head and eyes out of your computer and watch kitty television, which is watching the world. Be curious about everything around you.

Why did you show up today?

It's been almost a year since Stella died. She was a good friend for 17 years and she is still with you.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is a tendency to laziness and to sneakiness. The light is the magnificent pleasure of being.

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Drowning Samaritan

I am one who tries to rescue others from churning situations. I am one who is sometimes drowning. Parts of me flail in the chaos of living. I am one who tries to contain myself in a little boat, but it is too frail and too small for the task. The container has cracked, letting water (chaos) in.

What is your gift or message for me?

Adapt. Sometimes you can help others. Other times you need to rescue yourself. Learn to swim. Choose the right tool for the job; a bucket is not a boat.

What do you want me to do?

Recognize and respect the power of flow and chaos.

Why did you show up today?

Because you are preoccupied with the severe drought in California, and with Stella's increasing infirmities which feel overwhelming.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

Don't get in over your head.

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Contentment

I am one who appreciates what I have. I am able to accept what IS. I am free of striving, yearning, and clinging. I simply enjoy what I enjoy. I understand contentment. 

What is your gift or message for me?

I am the outcome of the practice of presence, attunement, experiencing all senses.

What do you want me to do?

Each day notice one small pleasure for each sense: sight, sound, scent, taste, touch.

Why did you show up today?

Because you deserve to be reminded.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

Don't pursue me. I cannot be encountered through pursuit. I arrive when you are attending to life's pleasures.

Green Day - Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aaah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the borderline
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
Of what's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, aaah-ah
Ah-ah, ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: Comfort Food

I am one who still enjoys the first food I was able to make in childhood. It was my first step toward independence to be able to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I also have fond memories of eating Fluffernutters. I am the go-to food of choice when a sense of nostalgic comfort is needed. 

What is your gift or message for me?

You are capable of nourishing yourself even if in the most rudimentary ways.

What do you want me to do?

Allow yourself to experience this childhood treat occasionally.

Why did you show up today?

It seemed as good a time as any. Go buy some Fluff.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

My shadow is that too much of me will make you ill over time. 

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: 6th Extinction

I am one who feels the tension between the natural world and the human world. I am one who loves color. I am one who secretly wishes and fears that the 6th Extinction would be humans.

What is your gift or message for me?
Seek nature. Trust in the natural process.

What do you want me to do?
As much as possible, spend time not thinking. Imagine being in the body of a woodpecker or fish or mammal. Make this the practice!

Why did you show up today?
Because you need to be reminded that what looks huge on a small level is all part of the puzzle on the big level.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?
The light is the fact that I am not in control of any of this, and the shadow is that I am not in control of any of this.

Beats Antique, Tatyana Kalmykova - Three Sisters

 

Ох и проти тестева двора
Да крута крута гора
Ох и да крута крута гора
Да не взойдешь не взъедешь
Ох и да не взойдешь не взъедешь
Да кузонов отдати
Ох и да гору раскопати
Да гору раскопати
Да у тестя побувати

Зеленая сосенушка
Была зелена
У пятницу Маринушка была весела
У субботу головушку гладила
В воскресенье шла к венчанью плакала
Она своему родны батюшке казала
Что не жалостливый родный батюшка до мене
Отпускаешь молоду замуж от себе
Осталися три садика до мене
Три садика зеленаи все цветут
Они цвятут все ялами цветами
Да будешь родный батюшка рано уставать
Да будешь три садика поливать
Да утренею вечернею зарею
Да своею горючею слезою
Слез не хватит ключевой воды достанешь
С под гар гары метелица сметая
С другой гары ясно солнце восходя
С третей гары Иванушка съезжая
Поставь коня скинь ты шапку послушай
Тамы рябыя кукуша кукуя
А то ж наша Маринушка горюя

Oh, and against my father-in-law's yard
And the mountain is steep, steep
Oh, and the mountain is steep, steep
And you won't climb it, you won't ride it
Oh, and you won't climb it, you won't ride it
And give up the cousins
Oh, and you'll dig up the mountain
And you'll dig up the mountain
And stay with my father-in-law
Green Pine
She was green
On Friday, Marinushka was cheerful
On Saturday, she stroked her head
On Sunday, she went to the wedding, crying
She told her dear father
That her dear father had no compassion for me
You're letting your young woman marry you.
Three little gardens remain before me.
Three little gardens are green and all in bloom.
They're all blooming with wild flowers.
May you, my dear father, tire early.
May you water the three little gardens.
Yes, with the morning and evening dawn.
Yes, with your burning tears.
Tears won't be enough to get the spring water.
From under the mountain, a snowstorm sweeps away the mountain.
From another mountain, the sun rises brightly.
From the third mountain, Ivanushka rides down.
Put your horse down, take off your hat, and listen.
There's a speckled cuckoo.
And then our Marinushka grieves.