Yes I'm a Mess - AJR

I leave my house at 3 o' clock
With 200 texts and 2 missed calls
Guess all of the friends that I pissed off
All talked

And I took a job for just July
But feels like I might be here for life
Yeah I'm in it now
I'm in it now
Could I start again, somehow?

Yes I'm a mess with an S on my chest
Got stress filling up my head
So I spent last night
Blowing up my life
Now you won't see me again

Cheers to the front and cheers to the back
And cheers to the 2010s
I could hate my guts
When the sun comes up
But I like myself like this
I like myself like this

Why should I fix the shit I've done
When I could just pack my shit and run
Delete every number from my phone
So long

Yeah I'll get new shirts cause mine all stink
And I'll tell my boss what I really think
Yeah I'm in it now
I'm in it now
Could I start again, somehow?

Yes I'm a mess with an S on my chest
Got stress filling up my head
So I spent last night
Blowing up my life
Now you won't see me again

Cheers to the front and cheers to the back
And cheers to the 2010s
I could hate my guts
When the sun comes up
But I like myself like this
I like myself like this

Yes I'm a mess with an S on my chest
So I spent last night
Blowing up my life
Now you won't see me again

Yes I'm a mess with an S on my chest
I could hate my guts
When the sun comes up
But I guess that's what this is
I like myself like this

I could hate my guts
When the sun comes up
But I like myself like this

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: The Witness of Suffering

 

I am one who sees pain and is pained by what I see. I am the starving child with piercing, beseeching eyes. I am one who watches intensely and with fierce concern. I am one so laden with despair that my gaze is pinned to earth. My eyes are portals to the core of my soul, and the pain cannot be unseen. My eyes are a drought that no tears can cleanse.

What is your gift or message for me?

Pay attention. See the pain and suffering of existence. Do not numb yourself or hide from it.

What do you want me to do?

I want you to look into the yes of people you meet. It is healing. I want you to see what is in front of you, than act to meet the needs that arise.

Why did you show up today?

Because I cannot bear witness alone. The more eyes that awaken and see, the greater the healing.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is depression, isolation, resignation. The light is bearing witness.

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: The Vulnerable One

I am one who is powerless, for whom the world is hard and cold. I am one who feels hunted, and I hide to remain undetected. Being invisible is my survival.

What is your gift or message for me?

Invisibility was a valuable strategy when you were a child. The world was frightening and you were not in control. You survived by disappearing but at some point you also hid yourself from your own self.

What do you want me to do?

Remember me and let this part of you be a source for compassion. Yet make room for other parts of yourself.

Why did you show up today?

You are in a place of experiencing a lot of "young stuff" emerging from your soul. It's part of healing.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The light is compassion.

Alignment - Phaeleh

Awaiting Test Results

Awaiting Test Results

My name is Self (or Me-myself And I).
Today I feel like a held breath
waiting in the throat.
Sometimes I am a work of art.
Sometimes I am a tangled mess.
But always I am curious.
I ask the world, “How did I waste so much time?”
And the answer is

a held breath waiting in the throat.

--Kathryn Harper

Sacraments of the Morning

Sacraments of the Morning

Isn’t it enough
to feel a chill as you rise from a warm
bed, stumble to the bath and with
nimble fingers attend to your body’s
needs, button your shirt, to balance
as you put pants on one leg at a time?

Isn’t it enough
to hear the morning news, the coffee
maker gurgling as you eat your
Wheaties with skim milk, to listen in
the comfort and illuminated safety of
your kitchen as rain rattles the roof?

Isn’t it enough
to inhale the earth’s perfume of wet
dirt, worms, roses and jasmine blooms,
to smell even the faint fumes of the
world’s morning commute as you join
with humanity for the day’s business?

Isn’t it enough
to taste the fresh tender day and
savor the strong bitter brew from
your steaming paper chalice as
you await the train under the shelter 

with others huddled like pigeons?

Isn’t it enough
to observe the blur of cinderblock
fortresses adorned with graffiti, the
lonely artifacts of life strewn across
anonymous backyards, to notice the
window cat watching the morning?

-- Kathryn Harper

“Cold Rain, Warm Colours” by Fred Rune Rahm, CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: The Pursuer

 

I am one who, though small, takes risks. I brave challenges of cold and dark to reach a distant goal. I am unfettered by trappings. I am fresh and curious. I will find a way.

What is your gift or message for me?

This baby is doing the improbable, using intelligence to find solutions to get closer to her goal. Even though you feel small and vulnerable like an infant, you have the ingenuity to design options.

What do you want me to do?

Use what is at hand to solve challenges. Use tools that may be unusual choices.

Why did you show up today?

I felt you needed a visual reminder of how brave and intrepid you are.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is recklessness.

Sea Meets Earth - Fever Fever

You stepped into the room
And I knew I was doomed to fall for you
The moment I saw you smile
Now everywhere you go
My eyes follow close
And I am just waiting for the time to be right
To tell you how I've loved you for awhile
Oh my heart is going wild

You wear me down
Like where the sea meets earth
I fade away
Just like the rocks have worn
Don't you see what you do to me

You keep crashing
Keep crashing into me
I keep turning
Turning out to be
Something more
Than what I was before

Your skin touched my skin
And could feel that the breaking of my stone 

cold heart was about to begin
The moment that we locked eyes
And now everywhere you go my eyes follow close
And I am just waiting for the time to be right
To tell you how I've loved you for awhile
Oh my heart is going wild

You wear me down
Like where the sea meets earth
I fade away
Just like the rocks have worn
Don't you see what you do to me

You keep crashing
Keep crashing into me
I keep turning
Turning out to be
Something more
Than what I was before

You wear me down
Like where the sea meets earth
I fade away
Just like the rocks have worn
Don't you see what you do to me

You keep crashing
Keep crashing into me
I keep turning
Turning out to be
Something more
Than what I was before

SoulCollage® Committee Suit: The Practice

I am one who practices non-distracted awareness when life storms around me. I am one who sometimes manages to release her head in order to be in big mind. I am one who breathes Presence. I am one who needs a teacher. 

What is your gift or message for me?

The connection is within you. Practice opens the path. There is more to you than mind. Pay attention and wake up! 

What do you want me to do?

Sit regularly. Sit some more. Sit, sit, sit. Just sit.

Why did you show up today?

Because you showed up.

If you have a shadow, what would it be? Or, what light do you offer?

The shadow is being seduced by ego into thinking about what my practice is doing, focusing on measuring, comparing, projecting progress. Light: the secret is within you and is always present and accessible.

One Chance - Phaeleh, Devin Renee

Take this one chance
No this wont be easy
You can take this one chance
Don’t let me drown

I was only ever let down
By the ones coming in
Holding on to smoke now
Still I could never leave

How many times
Would I believe the lies
How many nights
Would I stay up crying

Blood is staining sheets now
From the tears I bleed

Take this one chance
This won’t be easy
You can take this one chance
Don’t let me drown

Here’s my heart
Take this one chance
Here’s my heart
You can take this one chance

Superman can’t save me
I’m not looking for hero in the night
When you say you want to help me
I’m way out in the deep

No love can
erase the bleeding
Empty words
Don’t hold meaning

How many times do you think I’ve fallen
One more time, ain’t easy

Take this one chance
No this won’t be easy
Take this one chance
Don’t let me drown

I want to trust in what you tell me
I want a love to get lost in
If you can patiently hold me
And ignore the screams

I’m ready to fall
I might need a push
I’m loving the thrill
Not the endless fighting

You might be what I’m needing
Only one way to see

Take this one chance
No this won’t be easy
Take this one chance
Don’t let me drown

You can take this one chance
This won’t be easy
You can take this one chance
Don’t let me drown

Here’s my heart
Take this one chance
Don’t let me drown